I've known him for 3 years now and he is so different from me... but I can't stop thinking about him.
How could it be?
I was never attracted to him like I am right now. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before going to sleep. When he's not here, or when we don't talk or text it's like a year without rain (I'm quoting Selena Gomez LOL!)
This is something completely different for me. I don't know what to do.
I've been in a relationship before but never like this. We are not even together. But I want him so badly.
I'm seriously addicted to cigarettes but I think I'm more addicted to him. We've been talking, texting, or skyping for 2 months now every day a week, 24 hours a day... And it's so normal. It's not pushed or forced.... conversation is so natural, so beautiful.

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His name is Christian but I call him Joker because we had this joke like "If I'm your Harley would you be my Joker?"... Yeah, we watched Suicide squad together haha.

joker, suicide squad, and harley quinn image

The thing is... I don't want to get hurt. 6 months ago one guy broke my heart pretty badly and I think I'm just scared it'll happen again.

He told me a few days ago that I was always his princess and I got scared he's gonna tell me he loves me, but he didn't. He doesn't love me. It needs more than affection to create love.
But can we do it?

Image by 𝑬𝒍𝒍𝒆♡

People say things like "be patient" but how can I?
Every time I see him I just want to kiss him. And what if I kiss him and he push me away? I don't want to ruin our friendship but I want him so much.

I want to talk to him about my day, things that make me happy, things that make him happy, things we're scared of....
I want to talk to him all day long.

He's my little sunshine...

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I will post things about me and Joker every few days so if you want to know more about out friendship and will it turn into love stay tuned. Love ya