there once was a time when I cried oceans.
all i could do was think and think
and think
about the bad

you don't know the bad?
I mean the unexpected.
the uncertainties in the days to come.
losing the last glimmer of hope that you had clutched
under your arm

to lose the hope is to lose the purpose
meaning
perhaps all meaning
perhaps yourself

as the sun rises
I try to soak up its warmth
to find new hope in the comfort of the certain
the sun rises again and again
and again
but to find new hope is to also find new destruction
I have found

the truth behind all life is balance
where you find lightness
there is always darkness
though it may be concealed in the lies of others
hidden in the lies that you trust
the hope balanced with destruction

when I cried I would also cry for myself
for I didn't know
as a young teenager I hoped for better
and even now I find myself clinging onto the naive childish dreams I once had
they give me false hope
the fact that if I once believed I could do such a thing
I can still do it now

how do I feel you ask?
im not sure whether I feel at all anymore
I feel some things
but mostly I just feel numb

there once was a time when I cried
oceans.
all I could do was think and think
and think
about the good

about the good I didn't feel