I said nothing happened between us and you didn't contradict me.
Maybe you really didn't feel it or you just wanted to get out of the situation. I don't know what I wanted to hear. Maybe that you say that I am wrong and there was something or that you just kiss me for the first time.
You just said that you're glad that you didn't take my first kiss away from me. That you would have never been able to forgive yourself if you had done that. So is it okay what you did to me? The fact that you never really decided for me doesn't mean that it is easier for me now.

In some ways it is true that nothing happened between us.
We never did anything physical besides holding hands that one day on your couch. But that one night before everything broke down I slept in your arms and I never felt more safe. When I asked you later why you embraced me you had no reasons and that makes it way harder. Because now I can't stop asking myself if you maybe really felt the same.

Sometimes I think of your eyes how they connected with mine and i can't believe that you didn't feel the same. Now when I see you at the hallway and our eyes meet I see how you want to come over and talk to me as in the good old days, but then you see my face expression and remember that happened. Your smile fades away and we pass each other.

We are "friends" now. It was my idea. You know me pretty well and I thought it would be easier to have you near me, but I don't think that it will work. It will always stand between us and I will never really let you go. But I didn't want to lose that feeling of safety. Now I think that it is already gone. That I never had a chance to save it.

I'm fine. I'm really fine. But sometimes I miss you and I wonder how it could have been. But if I had waited a longer time for your decision, I would have been broken now.

I waited a long time to fall in love, but when I did it was for the wrong one. You were the first one I wanted so badly that I didn't notice that you weren't sure if I was the one you wanted. You would have waited forever to decide, but I couldn't wait anymore.