I am an extroverted introvert.
I am an actress.
An introvert that is silly and funny and weird sometimes.
That seems to get along with people.
People are interesting from afar.
I hate people.
Many people think its an act but I hate people.
Daily. Day-to-day. Everyday.

I wake up and go to work.
My part-time job is full of adults.
Every conversation about the weather or the previous football game feels forced and pointless.
I used to talk to them and do some fake laughs and some fake "Oh"s.
Now its gotten bad again and I don't have the energy to do so.
My University is full of real-life stupid people and on-paper-stupid people.
Talking to them exhausts me.
Even the ones I like exhaust me.
After dealing with people I realize how drained I feel.
How I am literally feeding these people, that means nothing to me.
I give these people all my energy.
I am exhausted by normal social behavior.
Can you imagine how bad it is when I get with people I actually like?
Little things determine my mood.
Emotional highs and lows are the death of me.

I remember the first 2 weeks of university.
I saw all these people making friends.
In the Bus, In the University hall, in the lecture hall.
Everywhere I looked I felt pressured.
I remember sitting on the floor of the university and watching all these people pass by and talk to each other and I had to focus on breathing.
I think I had a panic attack.
I didn't take my asthma spray that day,
maybe I had an asthma attack.
My heart was beating so fast that I got dizzy.
I couldn't get up until the next classes started and the halls got emptier.
I went home.

It's funny.
If my friends would know this they would laugh.
Say that I'm exaggerating.
They would feel like they wouldn't know what to say.
How dare I mention such heavy topics that, make everyone feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes I want to stay in my room and not talk to anyone.
I did that in summer 2014.
I managed to not leave my house and sleep 'till 2.p.m.
For several weeks.
I would cry whenever my mom would make me get up.
I sat in a corner in my room and wished I would disappear.
Its been bad again lately.
Not that bad.
But bad.

ligth, will, and sun image
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