Today’s challenge is to share something I struggle with, and I’m pretty sure I can say that I’ve never written a more personal article. And even though I try to keep my articles as positive as possible, this one is going to be a bit more serious than the others.

I struggle with social anxiety.

I’ve always been really shy, but it started to become more serious about two years ago. I started getting grades in school, but I don’t say anything during class, so even though I could get A’s and B’s, I don’t say enough to get it. I told my parents how I felt about it, and why I just couldn’t get myself to say anything even though I knew the answer to all the questions.

A few years before I started to come up with excuses not to hang out with my friends. I wanted to, I just… couldn’t. Then I started getting these anxiety attacks when I was at a place where there was a lot of people. My heartbeat became really fast, It was difficult to breathe normally, I began sweating and my chest was hurting. I tried to hide whenever it happened, but they lasted for too long, and my parents of course noticed.

At this point, I was constantly worrying about everything. When we were at family dinners or at school, I talked to nobody, because my thoughts kept telling me that they didn’t want to talk to me and I would just annoy them. I couldn’t look people in the eye and always wore headphones even though I wasn’t listening to music. I could go on like this forever.

Well, if we go forward a little to about six months after I started getting the attacks. My parents still believed that I was just really shy. At the time, a psychologist would visit us every other Sunday to talk to my little brother who was threating to kill himself. One of the last times she was there, she wanted to have a talk with all of us together and after that, she and I talked alone.

She told my parents afterward that I showed clear signs of social anxiety, and maybe even was at the beginning of a depression. My parents were shocked to hear it, but it didn’t surprise me much, even though I at the time didn't know much about what anxiety or depression was. I talked to the psychologist a few more times and then she suddenly just stopped coming.

That’s a year ago now, and I still struggle with it. My parents won’t talk about it, and I don’t see any psychologist anymore. I don’t know how to get through it and how to make it disappear.

I really hoped you liked this even though it was a more serious one<33
~Lisa