Dear WHI's,

A few weeks ago I posted a memoir and today I decided to post another one. Everything I wrote is pure fiction, I hope you like it!

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“My life was different from what it should have been.

My name is hazel. Given to me by my parents, who wanted to refer to the tree, lovely but strong.

I never lived up to that promise.

On the first day of my life, I already failed. I was born on the 8th of November 1999, when the leaves were turning red and would eventually die and fall off. That is exactly what happened to my mom. She gave birth to me and died after.

My father reminded me of this every day. He reminded me that it was my fault that my mother wasn’t here anymore. At one point it was too much for him, he had always loved my mom and therefore he hated me for taking her away. He told me to go and never come back. He told me that he didn’t want to be my father anymore, and even worse, he told me that I never even was his daughter in the first place.

I left.

I’ve never seen my father since; I’ve never smelled the perfume he was always wearing; I’ve never looked in his grey-blue eyes again.

On the 26th of June 2016, I left the house I grew up in, with just a small bag with a few belongings. I walked from the old, green fields to the big city, not knowing where my feet would take me.

On the 2nd of July, I arrived. A lady came up to me asked what I was doing there. That lady turned out to be my saviour and my downfall at the same time. She let me sleep in her house and she let me go to school. The first years where amazing. I was learning so many new things. I found out I was really good with computers, something extremely useful in these times.

They found out I was good with computers. They found out I could easily understand difficult algorithms and had not difficulty with hacking sites and profiles. On the 28th of August 2019, they took me away from the lady who had taken care of me. They took me to their headquarter, where they explained me what to do.

I’ve worked for them for six years. Six years went by where I looked up all kinds of personal stuff from everyone; where people went from minute to minute; what and to whom they had paid their money to; if they had legal children; and what could possibly be wrong with their life.

For six years I couldn’t care what would happen to these people. I hate myself for that. I hate the person I used to be. I was naïf and my father had always told me that I was an awful person so it wouldn’t matter what I would do.

I believed that. For six years.

We worked with 23 people. All geniuses that understood everything of everything; who would notice immediately if you did anything, even a little bit, different from normal. They would notice the cheese that was replaced by meat on your daily first meal. They would notice everything.

The 9th of November 2025, the day after I turned 26, was the worst day of my life. It should have been the most happy one. I gave birth to you, my daughter Lily. Right after people are born they have to be registered: father, mother, grandparents, name, weight, later profession and some other medical things. The father part scared me the most, I had no idea and since my father didn’t want to see me anymore I also couldn’t fill in the grandparents part.

I stared as the nurses asked for my information, I couldn’t speak. I calculated my chances. Staying here and saying that I had no idea who the father was and that I was disown by my father, wasn’t an option. They would take you away and would kill me. In a rush I pushed the nurses away, run as fast as I could, while I was hearing alarm bells, to the woods, out of the hospital, away from everyone who wanted to hurt us.

I’ll probably die in a couple of hours. The years in the woods have taken their toll. Going back wasn’t an option so we stayed in the woods. I would always try to feed you first my sweet Lily. But now I can’t do it anymore.

Please my sweet Lily, be lovely and strong, the way I couldn’t be. There is always someone who loves you, and you can be and do good no matter what.

I love you with all my heart,

Your mom, Hazel."

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Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think about it!

Loads of love,
Mieke