he gave me a sense of belonging; he gave me a game that i knew i would lose
still i stayed
late at night
i waited
i cried to a song that i used to listen to
to feel free
now i keep my heart trapped lest i hear the notes again
and i remember his loose grasp on me
and i remember the way he used to bite his lips
over and over
and i saw his lashes blink on those impossibly green eyes
and i feel like he is in every heartbreak
what he did to me
i don't even know if i could recognize him in a photograph
i would have to see him up close
look at his hands
see if his knuckles scarred
and he tried to apologize
i was cold
i can't regret
he never replied after that
but it was also ten pm
and i have solace
knowing i scared him shitless
and i bet he still wears old spice
i bet he grew his hair long again
i bet he still knows my birthday since it's one day before his
so here i am
thinking about him
mark my words
i'm gonna have the last laugh
even if it hurts me
more than listening to his voice
on some grainy video
some grainy video

birthday: march 3