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I know how it feels to have your heart played with. I know how it feels to have someone give you wings, make you feel like you can fly, high above the clouds bathing in the rosy shades of sunset. And then cut off those wings ripping your heart out of your chest as you fall to the cold hard ground. they'll hold your heart in their hands look at it, dangle it in front of you, see if you'll fight to take it back and once you do they'll laugh at you.
"stupid little girl, you actually thought I liked you?" he says with a smirk slowly squeezing my heart in his hand so I can't breathe. Yes, yes I did. "no one cares, you think someone else will like you?" he continues "don't get your hopes up" I know my value, I know who I am. how can he say that? can it be true?
"why are you doing this?" I blurt out choking on my pain, which becomes stronger as soon as I see a satisfied devilish smile painted on his face.
"Just like you said, truth hurts and don't ask questions which you don't want to hear the answer to. remember?" what is he trying to say? it seems like this is a revenge, but for what? what have I ever done wrong? except the fact that I loved him? I don't know all I know is that words can kill, especially if they're your words now used against you.
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Now enough being said about the feeling of a heartbreak, here's a little FYI. Make sure you want to move on otherwise it can not work. Ask yourself is this person bad for you? is it someone who hurt you? or is it that you two just had a fight and you're being silly, but in reality, you have an amazing relationship. If it's the first one, then you may proceed.

Just a day ago someone has broken my heart. I spent the whole day crying and thinking "why?"
Finally, I have decided that I have to move on, and I'm going to do it together with you.
I'm going to give a few tips that I've found online and others which have come to me on their own. some of them will be small psychological tricks, while the others will be more like broader concepts (you can use just one or you can combine them)

The Whiteout technique

I personally have found this one very helpful and it's fairly easy too. All you have to do is think of the person you want to forget, your ex or the crush who hurt you. Usually, a specific image usually comes to mind. What you have to do, is take that image and make it brighter, and brighter, and brighter, until it's completely white. Then instantly switch it to something else, something that makes you happy. Something that is directly connected to you.
Repeat this every time you catch yourself thinking about your ex. Eventually, you'll train your brain to replace that image. It's like wiping out memory. Soon enough the image will lose its clarity, and the habit of thinking about them will be gone.

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Whos feeling this?

This one is more of a concept, therefore it's a little bit harder than the other. I believe it's partly based on the Sigmund Freud's theory of self.
If you're not familiar with it here's the whole thing in a nutshell. Basically, Freud stated that personality is composed of 3 parts: id, ego, and superego.

  • Id is our instincts, Ego is our reality, and superego is our moral.
  • Id works to satisfy our urges, it responds directly or immediately to the instincts.
  • Ego is the mediate between the Id and the reality. The ego develops from the Id and makes sure that the needs of the Id are satisfied.
  • freud compared the Id and the ego to the horse and the horse rider. The horse provides power and the rider guidance.
  • The ego wants to obtain pleasure and it has no concept of the right or wrong. whatever makes the Id feel good is right for the ego.

Whenever someone hurts you, your ego starts to feel bad because the Ids needs to feel good are not satisfied. So the ego starts to look for the realistic ways to make the Id feel good again. Sometimes it's done by giving yourself the identity of a victim. They are bad they hurt me I'm the victim in this situation.
What you have to do is recognize this. When you feel bad, when you feel like you need your ex back, step back and observe your thoughts. Ask whos feeling this? Is it you or is it your ego who needs them back in order to satisfy the Id?
Realize that you don't want them you just want the way they make you feel. Sometimes when we're in a relationship we try to impress our partner. Why? you might say that it's because we want them to like us, okay but, why do we want them to like us? most of the time it's because our Id seeks validation. When we do something and they react it receives the validation. Resulting in us feeling better. Understanding that you can detach from the feeling and look at it from another side. Recognize when it happens and disidentify with your ego. Yes, it is there but it is not you.

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Observe. Just observe!

Notice your thoughts, notice how you feel. Take a conclusion that comes to your mind and question it. Not everything that comes into your head is true.
For example: "No one likes me"
Ask questions: How much do I believe it? Could this thought be a distortion? (google distorted thinking habits) What is the evidence behind this thought? name at least 6.
What is the evidence not supporting this thought? name 3.
This will help you understand the reality better. Sometimes our emotions start to change our perception of the reality to the extent when we can't tell what is true and what is not.
Another thing you can do while observing is: try to observe the situation and the thought's from the third perspective. Just feel it, don't identify with the story.

The Switch Technique

I want you to think of your ideal self-image. Imagine it being you 5 years after this breakup, imagine that it's you once you've moved on from your ex. Then, imagine yourself 5 years after still not being over your ex. Look at how it has affected your health both physical and mental. Focus on that image and then switch to the previous one, focus on that then switch back. Do this a couple of times, make sure to feel how you would have felt in each situation. once you've done it a couple of times place both images next to each other in your head and choose which one you want to be your reality?
Repeat every time you start missing your ex and every time you think about texting him begging to take you back.

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Here and Now

Every single time you start fantasizing about your ex you disregard the present moment. You're basically saying: I don't want this moment I want something else. You start to focus on something else that makes you feel better. Stop, get back here! and observe the present moment no matter how much you don't want it.
think of the present moment as someone who has always been there for you, a kind friend. The fantasy of your ex is the cool kid you always wanted to have as your friend, but that ideal cool kid doesn't care about you. However, you decide to pay more attention to the cool kid than your poor kind friend whos over here hurt because you completely disregard them and pay no attention to them. Try to feel compassion for your friend, and try to switch your focus to them because they have so much more to offer, due to the fact that they're actually there unlike the cool kid. Don't judge your friend, that friend is all you have right there at this moment. Use them, do something with them. Which brings us to my next tip.

Do WHATEVER the hell you want

Think about what you always wanted to do but couldn't do because you were afraid of what your crush would think. DO IT! because guess what they're no longer there! Make something you think about as a loss into opportunity, look at this with a different filter, different perception.

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Stay Aware

Work on yourself and use the pain as a fuel, but be aware of it. know the lies you tell yourself.

Cut ALL the cords completely

Lastly, cut everything off. Delete the pictures, love notes or whatever the hell you have. Throw it away, torch it, destroy it, because you're either all in or not at all. Once you decide to move on there's no looking back just forward into your dream future which you now have the opportunity to make!!

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Remember you're amazing, don't look for happiness in someone else! we're in this together -Angelinpurgatory