First.

I just want to tell you that you are the best boy I ever meet.
You were the boy that made me laugh and made me feel better on my worst days.
When you took my hand, you made me felt alive and strong.
I loved your way to smile at me.
And the way you talked to me, like if I'm the only girl in the world.
I loved your good morning messages.
Every day your name was on my phone.
And I smiled because you thought about me before going to classes.
And I still remember the first time you brought me flowers.
They were yellow.
I was so happy.

Second.

I had no idea that you were texting with that girl.
I trusted you. I was so fell in love.
It was night when I read that chat and my heart got broken.
I started crying and somehow, I fall asleep.
The worst part wasn't the cheating.
The worst part was you told her that I wasn't your girlfriend.
That I was only a girl with whom you kissed sometimes.
Nothing more.
Nothing...
When you were meaning everything to me. And you knew it.
You called her 'my dear'...
And I got jealous. And sad. And angry. And empty.

Third.

After that I forgave you.
Because I loved you.
Because I love you.
And I kissed you. And you kissed me back.
I hugged you. And that felt like home.
It was like everything going to be alright again.
And in some way it was.
But something in me never going to be the same.
And my trust in you changed a lot.
You wounded me not only with kissed that girl.
You wounded me because for that I wonder every day
if I'm enough for you. If I'm beautiful enough.
That made me wonder if her beauty was more than mine...
And that it's the saddest part.
You made me feel less... When it was not my mistake. Was yours.
I stalked her so many times.
Like thousand times.
She is not beautiful.
So... Why her?

Fourth.

I'm still in love with you.
But I stopped wondering why her.
If I'm enough beauty.
I stopped wondering about the girls you know and if you think they are pretty. Or if you send them a text.
I stopped overthinking.
Overthinking drives me mad.
And I was so tired of that.
I'm done with that shit.
I'm taking care of myself.
Maybe some selfish.
Maybe I don't do it well yet.
But I will.

- If you are more Instagram person @dinaaypoetry