i needed you
and i still need you

but that relationship has never been built and never will be

when i moved here, i was completely alone
and she wasn't there for me

last year when i was about to jump
you laughed

i used to really hate you
you are terrible to me

i'm not saying i'm perfect either
i cause fights too

she seems like a stranger
and i'm fine with that

because i have given up

there was one point where i tried to build a relationship with you
but you would continue to break my heart

when you see my scars you laugh in my face
and tell me that i'm weak

i already know

this year, when i was introduced to the clouds
we got along better

because you don't give a shit about anything but yourself

i'm ok that, that is what our 'relationship' is now
because we don't argue as much

i'm so dead inside that i don't have any motivation to try
just letting things be

it's always been this way
you weren't a good big sister when we were younger either

sure you went through things too
but you weren't right to pressure me to drink or offer me drugs at 12
i was scared of you

the past is the past and people change
but you haven't

if i were to jump today
would you care?

-i