it seems like spring comes around whenever you touch me.

i want this to work out. i wonder how obvious it is. do you see it like i do? do you sit there and look at me and pick up how bad i want this to work out, hyunggu? do you see that i could sit on my own for hours, tormenting myself about how much i want this, about how much i need you, about how terrified i am to lose you?

i'm terrified to lose you. what should i do? when i am putting my heart in front of you to take. when i am opening up without a problem because i want you. when i will walk the longest road as long as you can see what this means to me. you could soak all of it up, you could tell me what it means to you, you could go on about how much you appreciate it but i'd still be there fearing you will wake up one day and think about how much you don't need me. how anybody could do a better job. how one day i cold lose you. just like that.

i try to be cool about it, you know? i try not to be too touchy feely with my emotions just to save myself the possibility of a quick fall. of breaking when you tell me something i didn't expect. to save myself some tears when something that wasn't planned happens but i can't. i can't lie to myself and say that i don't care. that i don't wait for your messages . that i don't want to be with you everyday. that i don't... yearn for your attention like a puppy.

i wonder if anyone thinks i spend too much writing about you, if anyone knew, that i spend too much time trying to collect words about you. or if anyone thinks that the amount of time i spend on you could be a problem. i wonder how you see me. perhaps one day you will realize that you are so much more to me than a thousand words wonderfully put together. More powerful than paragraph after paragraph. That you holding my hand, telling me you love me could move me more than my favorite story. Every thought, butterfly, feeling could drown me within themselves and i wouldn't even realize because i am already in so fucking deep. That maybe it isn't a good thing that a sleepless night is just that, insignificant. That sometimes i seem not to understand the concept of putting anybody else before you. That i'd have to be forced to step over a thousand people before my eyes could ever focus on any other human being in this world. How much i have given myself that all you need to do is say the words and i will drop everything that could ever hold me back from being yours. I could leave everything behind in order to build myself back up for you. Maybe it's all bad? But does that even matter when I am this in love with you? When I don't care one bit that you aren't in love with me yet? It was enough that i could ever say it and it meant nothing that I didn't hear it back. At least I know you're here.

There's all this. So bold and loud in my mind, in my heart. Yet my heart tells me to be careful. It says that I am doing too much? Am I? Maybe i've let my heart convince me of it. Maybe that's why I'm so concerned. It's too late for me to be careful. I think you've got a pretty good grip on my heart now. I can't back out and even if i am so terrified, I don't want to. Heartbreak is part of growing up. It's clear how much i trust you, but it's clear things could change at any moment for any reason. So though i wish for you not to fall in love with someone else, if you must break my heart then I am going to do my best to not be too hurt. To hold what good you gave me and remember just that. Truth be told, I am more infatuated with you than I have been with another human in such a long time. Do what you must but for now, do it with me.