Theres an empty space in my heart. I can feel it. When I think about being alone and the space thats in between the both of us, it makes me want to cry my heart out.

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I don't see you next to me. You are far away and theres no way I can reach you. You never took a chance on me and I took too many for you.

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You let me down. Now im shattered on the ground. After many years I now understand why they call it crush.

Because they will literally crush everything thats inside you. The way you think, will be corrupt and full of inevitable sadness. The way your heart beats will no longer beat as fast as it normally would. You never get excited about love anymore, whats filled instead is pure disappointment.

Your face becomes this broken statue... once its set in stone you could never take it back to the way it was.

Fear will always be present. Fear of rejection is a killer. Fear of not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough.... the list goes on and on. Just like the feeling of fear.

I open my eyes and I see that im on the edge of the cliff. I don't want to look back. because I know you wont be there to save me from my horrifying mind. I wish I could fight this pain. I wish I can fight the tears that are slipping from my eyes. But my mind, heart, and soul are traitorous. They know the pain he caused.

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Yet the heart beats inside my chest like a thousand miles an hour. My mind conjures up images of how it would have been if you had just accepted me. Beautiful. And my soul makes my body move closer and closer to you when in reality I just want to be miles and miles away.

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What do I do? Im one step closer to falling off. Falling in love for someone like him, or falling off the cliff... im not sure which to chose. Because if I fall in love with him... he will never know. And im going to be left with hurt and disappointment. It would be all consuming.

But if I fall off the cliff I can just be in my own little world were us being together was what should have happened a long time ago. Like a dream.

I decide to fall of the cliff. I fall and I fall. The air is hitting my skin like bullets. My hair is flying wildly behind my face, while my heart is bumping faster and faster by the excitement of seeing you waiting for me at the bottom of the cliff. With open arms. But then I crash, the rocks hitting my face powerfully. The way my body crashes with the waves and rocks that lay beneath.

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You weren't there. You didn't hold me with open arms, I didn't feel the warmness that came with being snuggled up perfectly in your chest. Instead I felt the coldness and loneliness consume my every curve and inch of my body. You destroyed me.

I wake up. panting and sweating. I look around while holding my heart with my hand as if thats whats going to hold it together. I look at my surroundings and see that im still in bed. The sheets are tangled in between my legs and my hair is a crazy mess.

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It was all a bad dream...

I breath in and breath out, Its at this very moment that I realized that you will never be worth it.

* Thanks for all the love and support on my last post :)
- Love Gen xoxo.