Hello Mistakes

In this day of challenge i should write about something that i miss. Well, there are times i miss, people who i still want to have in my life and things that aren't the same anymore. But mostly i miss him.

When i first met him, he was just one of the guy's in my school. I thought that he's too cool for me. He looked handsome but kinda serious. He had few girlfriends, so it looked like he's kinda womanizer. He was nerdy sk8er boi, but he looked kinda too popular for that. Every girl wanted him or at least admitted that he is pretty good looking. And i? I was probably one of them.

High school ended and i thought i'll never see him again, but happily or sadly it wasn't true. When he's name appeared in my notifications, i thought, that was just a mistake. It wasn't !

It was saturday evening and i agreed to go out with him. Well, who wouldn't went out with their high school crush, right? He came for me with car and first thing he said to me was "hey ....well .....but i'm kinda shy",i smiled and told him " that's okay, me too" but now i know he isn't at all. We went to my favorite bar, I got martini and he got lemonade, of course without alcohol. Ou how he hate alcohol and he hated it even more when i drank it. I paid for both of us and he was surprised. "Why did you pay that?"" he asked. I smiled and stared to slowly walking away from him "Why shouldn't i pay? You'll pay next time." He was so shocked, that he stopped for a second. "So you think it'll be some next time?" in that moment i stopped, turned around, looked at him and told "Why souldn't be any next time? You're still here after a hour so i guess you're not afraid of me." and smiled. And he? He just rolled his sky-blue eyes and his mouth corners lifted into the smile, which shouldn't be seen. But i've seen it. And it drove me crazy. This evening lasted 7 hours and ended at 4am. We were sitting in his car talking about everything that came to our minds. I couldn't take my eyes of him when he was talking about something that he was interested in.The lights in his eyes just lit up and i was totally frozen. While i was laying in my bed, that night i just smiled how weirdly beautiful was that time with him and there everything started.

Then we didn't see each other for almost a week, but we texted a lot. I agreed that i'll not travel back home for a weekend by bus, as usual, but by train with him. He boarded few stops before me so he caught me a seat next to him. As i was traveling to the train stop i started to getting nervous, my heart was beating faster and my palms were sweating. Why? It's just a boy? But when the train stopped in front of me and i saw him through the window, everything stopped. Every function in my body stopped and i just stared at him. After a one second i came back to reality and i looked away and run through my hair with fingers to look a little casual. He came to me, hug me and lit up a cigarette. He stood there like a everythings fine, talking about his day in a school and me? I stood there as the most shiest and awkward person in the world holding my bags looking at him. When we came to the train, he helped me with my bags and then we sat down. We were doing crosswords together, he was so close to me if i would move a little closer i could kiss him, but i did not, even if i wanted to. "You smell really pretty. What's that? Vanilla or .. coconut?" Yep it was coconut and it still is. When train stopped we went out and he drove me back home. "See you tonight?" "Well, you know, i'm kinda have a plans for tonight ..." "What about a saturday? I'm home alone, we can watch some movie and i can cook you a dinner."
How can you say no to something like this?

From that evening we were together. We spent some time together, enjoying ourselves, and it was one of my greatest parts of my life. How we traveled by train to college and back home. How we visited eachother. How he sneaked me into his dorm room. How he cooked for me. How we slept in a bed for one. How we started sleeping against our backs, but when i woke up he was hugging me and snoring (soo cute). How he always took care of me. How was i the happiest person in the world next to him. But that's the problem. It's past. He left me with nothing. He let me drowning in the waves of loneliness.

I miss him so much that it actually hurts physically. It hurts in the middle of my ribcage. There is so much pressure there, like there's something missing there. He left me with my heart and got it into the silver cage.(Flight Facilities - Crave you) I'm trying to act like everything is fine, but it's not. Nothing is all right and i have too many feelings for him, just to forget him. I can't but i also don't want to.

It wasn't heartbreak, it was just the theft of my heart. Now i feel nothing and everything in the same time.

XOXO Mistakes