Ok so, I got sick like three years ago but that's not the point, the point is that because of that I had to stay home alone, if not I would get even more sick and fucking die. I was fine with it at the beginning, people actually stress me out a bit so it was really refreshing but after some months I started to get bored and then I was sleepy all the time, when I realize, the loneliness was driving me crazy and I was having some sort of panic attacks because being just with myself was being too overwhelming (also I started overthinking everything more than usual but I think this was actually kinda positive since I'm a pretty distracted person) and well, then came depression and scars on my neck of desperation and the feeling of hollow and the only satisfaction I felt for myself was the fact that I was way too fucking skinny at the time (no eating disorder there, I'm just like that, but that's what happened and I still don't know why). But let me tell you something about all of this... NO, IT WASN'T FUCKING PRETTY and stop feeling sorry for me in this instant, I'm no different from millions of people in this world plus, it was pretty obvious that was gonna happen.

What I'm actually trying to say here is that please stop thinking that this sort of stuff is nice, and before you answer that you don't, just think, are you sure?... 'Cause hell, I know I've done it, for some reason, I take pleasure in my grief and I feel fucking disgusting now, when I realize what I'm doing (not that you are if you do, just what I feel) and when I have a new way of grief, I take advantage... that feeling of hollow is the easiest way to make me feel unique and it makes it all go for a while but it doesn't give me anything back, actually it drags me back.
I started to really hear about people that had anxiety and started digging out, suddenly I felt really nervous and couldn't talk in public or pass by a large group of people, I was also overthinking in a really harmful way (also I learned from my mom that anxiety sticks like the flu, you can literally pass it out to someone if you are too anxious and I knew someone with anxiety, I spent most of my days with her but she wasn't so anxious around me).

So please, when you hear a joke about mental illness that makes it seem #relatable or positive in some way just don't hear it, you'll regret it when you really feel it.

-C