happiness; the state of being happy.

but i have happiness in my life, i am just not happy.

it makes no sense. at all. not even to me.

I'm brought happiness when i drink or smoke, when I'm with friends or out of the house. its not being happy though. its just things that bring on happiness for a while until they're ripped out from beneath you and you realise how alone you actually are again. or maybe thats just me.

materialistic things can only bring a certain amount of happiness, but after a while you remember that you're not at all happy;

please, please, please, find something you love doing, or depression will roll over you and eat you up. you figure out how lost you are when you overlook things that you love doing, not what they love doing, but something you love, because doing things you love;

make you happy after all

i neglected that. now even when I'm with friends or drinking or whatever happiness i find, i think that I'm alone, even when I'm not.

- x