Most of my article is written to express myself and or to get to know myself better and or to keep the moment that I wanna keep in an article form. yet I hope my stories or thoughts can help others too.

Today I read a book in a long time. For a pretty decent amount of time I've planned to read a book just to make myself seem sophisticated or smart or to belong to a certain groups. Of course those type of reading could not make me feel inspired in anyway. It was just one of those things that I do to satisfy other ppl or was a desperate attempt to make me seem like smart person. Today I read a book; I read a book voluntarily and I enjoyed it. I used to love reading books when I was kids now I barely read any books. and here is my thoughts.

book, aesthetic, and read image aesthetic, autumn, and bed image books, reading, and coffee image Image removed

I think being in or been thru all these events and betrayal (of people, world, moral, ect) I couldn't help myself but being salty or negative whenever I read books. (mostly fiction or essay) Cus most of them in the end, talk about all these positive aspect in life as a ultimate thesis. And honestly it made me so uncomfortable. Idk about you, But when I became "mature" one of the stage that I went through (or most people go through, I think) is to know that out in the real world there is very few things that complements book knowledge or moral. Meaning that the world is not about rainbows and unicorn. There is a lot of unreasonable, bad things happening more than good. (I think having a depression actually helped me feel this way even more) And when you realize that you are so small to change these unreasonable tradition or behavior, you feel so useless (well I am a idealist) Yet in my life I haven't experienced a lot of victory in my life. as I grow up a lot of "adults" taught me to ignore the bad and only pursue the good cus when you get involved with the bad your life will become miserable. they told me being nice does not take you anywhere. So be nice just enough to keep people around. They told me being myself will make me miserable cus people would not welcome me as who I am. Well all those things made me confused. Cus that is not at all who I am (or who I was). I know some of books are just talking about impossible dreams. But I think it is pretty nice to have books as a reminder that it may exists or even to just to be aware what is right or wrong.

hopefully there will be more people who gets out of these endless hoops of unreasonable streotypes that people created and free themselves with reading books.