You know what I really want?
I want to feel comfortable with myself.

I want to wake up in the morning and not feel like the fattest whale on planet Earth. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to be confident enough to go up to people and talk and make friends like other people.

And I really want to be able to be myself.

I hate going to school everyday and act like someone else so that my friends and classmates don't get worried. I've had a mask on for so long that if I change at all, people notice. They'll notice and they'll call me out on it. And some of them may even throw me away like an old pair of shoes.

I know that makes it sound like I have some shitty friends and people around me, and that's completely true, but it's my stupid fear of being judged that's keeping me from cutting them out.

It's easy for people to say, "Just be yourself." and "People will like you for who you are." But none of that is entirely true. I don't know about any of you reading this, but I know that if I go to school acting and just being myself, I'll be an outcast before 3rd hour. I hope I'm not alone here...

Anyway, I hate the fake person I am from about 7 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon 5 days a week. I can't help it anymore, really.

I put on my makeup every morning, I wear short skirts, and I act like I am the only one that matters. But really, I hate myself. At least, I hate that version of me. I actually really like the person I am behind the clothes and under the makeup.

When I become that other person, I feel like I have to do all the things I hate the most. My friends like going out, partying, and they're all very extroverted. Me? I hate all that stuff. I'm very much an introvert and I hate parties almost more than anything.

What do I like? I really like studying. I do but if my "friends" knew that, they'd do nothing but make fun of me. And you know what else? I like crafts. Scrapbooks, sewing little creatures, and creating entire little villages out paper. That's what I really love to do, but I can't share that with anyone...

And, really, WHI is the only place I don't feel judged? If that makes any sense. That's why I'm writing this here as an article and not anywhere else.

I want to be accepted for who I am on the inside, not the outside and on the Internet is the only place I can do that, unfortunately. Hopefully some of you can agree with how I feel..

XO
~ Lynn