Then i opened my eyes...

I didnt have the strength to get out of bed and i could barely breath. I could still smell the blood around me. Stuck on the blades, the tissues, my fingers, my sheets. No one was around me, no one had been around me for 20 years.Two empty bottles of whiskey on the right side of my closet. It was 3 am. No light outside. Only those creepy voices inside my head telling me to continue what i had left undone 5 hours ago. I could only remember the blade halfway through my vein. How didnt i die right away ? How could i still breath, think,exist? What had happened? Then somehow i managed to stand on my feet. I poured myself a glass of cold water. I drank it. Then i returned back in my bedroom. God was it a fucking mess! "What am i doing ?''. I took my cigarettes and my lighter and went to the porch. I sat down and started smoking. I hadnt even washed my hands. My blood was still on my fingers. The cold breeze could barely make me feel anything. The first tears started dropping on my cheeks. I didnt know what to do. Was i going to be sitting there till dawn? Was i going to get my shit together and go inside to wash myself, or was i going to do what those fucking voices had told me to do?