i've lost myself completely in the past month or so. thinking not only for myself took its toll on me and my thinking. about one year ago i was at a dark place and the person who picked me up then is now the one who i have made my life. everything is about him. and i need space, i need a break, i need time to think everything through, i need time to learn how to "live" alone again. i really don't want him to go, and i know he won't go. he will be here. and that is why i need this time alone again. i don't want to snap one day and hurt him, just because i'm messed up. i mean, he understands how i am, he knows me, he knows all of me and he loves me. but i'm doing this for me. i don't think i have the right to break his heart. because he mended mine. and i want to show him i am in love with him and that i love him. i care for him and i need to protect him from that ugly side of me, even though he already knows it.

just to say it again: i do not have the right to break his heart. because he mended mine. and i am so grateful for that.