this is very, depressing and i wrote earlier today when i was really depressed. this is a poem i wrote to myself.

I read, I laugh, I love
Each day falling deeper and deeper
This one person makes my head spin
How is it possible?
I don’t know and oh, I don’t care
But, wait, stop ava
Think about it
Think about this person
What they love
You read these things,
think it’s about you?
Well news flash, idiot
Its not, because she could never love a person like you
Why would she?
Think of one good reason
Oh, stop crying
It’s your fault for rushing in
She doesn’t care about you
Stop being so self-centred and think about it
NO ONE LOVES YOU
NO ONE
Why would they?
Do you own a mirror?
Well look in it sweetie, because that’s not someone a normal person could ever love
And you know it
Wipe those steaming tears away
Don’t be dumb
Don’t be naïve
Well it’s too late for that, isn’t it?
Your big head got you here
On your bed,
Crying,
thinking about a person that could never love you
why would she?
How?
The days YOU spent obsessing over this person
Were days they spent loving someone else
So, go ahead, push yourself away again
Go insane over how,
NO ONE EVER LOVED HAS OR WILL LOVE YOU
Because of you, ava
You don’t let them
Because of this reason.
You IDIOT!
There were signs everywhere that YOU ignored
Look at her,
she likes boys
and are you a boy?
NO
So why did you think this could work out?
Honestly the idiocy!
You try to act cool,
But you know it
‘yeah, he is so hot’
Well ava
I know you think that he is ‘handsome’
But do you like him?
NO
Of course not
You’re an awkward, little, queer girl
That doesn’t know what to do with herself
But has that ever stopped you?
Of course not!
You try to fit in by saying that guys are hot,
when you don’t think so
have you seen the way she looks at others?
That called hope ava
Something you once had.

So that’s my poem. its probably not a poem and more a letter, but i don't care about anything anymore, i've let go.