I´ve been saying that I don´t know what to say
to you yet there´s a lot I want to say.
The unspoken words echo within the atoms
surrounding me and you.

I kept saying the silence was deafening only
to hear you say ¨there´s no need to talk all the
time.¨ But you couldn´t hear it. You couldn´t
hear the echoes. You couldn´t see the
vibrating atoms wanting to burst out the
unspoken words.

You wanted to sit in silence, I didn´t. You
questioned the things I said, I didn´t. You
twisted and turned my personality, my habits
and my brain, I only accepted what I got.

Which brings me to the question... Is it true
that I was the perfect victim? By that I mean
the perfect victim for you to create a new
human being within a human being that is
already alive? Did you want a puppet for a
friend instead?

You sure got me. Your manipulative ways got
me thinking I was wrong, saying things wrong
and doing it all wrong. Your eyes described it
all though. The way I pissed you off, or
annoyed you, or said something I was
convinced was stupid was all conveyed by
your eyes.

I went crazy when things weren´t the same
from back then. I was sure I had done
something wrong or messed up along the
line. I tried to fix it, but I think I wasn´t smart
enough to figure out that I was blaming
myself for something that is non-existent.

I then looked at you and thought ¨What if it´s
not me but it´s you and time combined?¨ Such
an ugly combination though. These days I´ve
been reminiscing about the good days when
in reality those good days were stripping me
of ME.

So should I still be there for you, support you
and take the left overs I´m given after
everyone has had all the good parts? Another
option is to watch you as you disappear into
the foggy distance and just hope for you to
remember me.

Or at long last finally go back to who I
was before I met you. The best parts of me
that is. Which means no more worrying about
the things I say or the way I explain things.

I think I have chosen all of them though. Or
should I tell you directly?
I am choosing to be there for you, to wait for
you until you decide to come back and to go
back to ME. I´m sorry if ME is too much for
YOU but this anxiety of waiting for your
acceptance is killing me and I can´t live with

So basically you can choose to come with
me, to stay or to leave either way I´m moving
forwards at my own rate. I´m going to make
sure I always carry ME around because if I
lose ME again I think I would lose it all.
And of course you´d watch as I fall.

- ARightRay