This month i got to speak to my crush, but nothing about my feelings towards him. I want to confess to him how much he means to me but, I can't.

But I'll tell you how i got to speak to him. i don't know if i mention it on my first article how I avoided his eye contact.... whenever my eyes lock with his my hearts starts beating very fast... Whenever I see him I feel like the worlds is going to explode. "I got it bad".... yeah I know.

So last week Wednesday, Feburary 28, 2018... I had to prepare for my IOP. IOP stands for Internal Oral Presentation. I had to be creative for my presentation... to get extra points I decided to make a musical out of the book Their Eyes Were Watching God. I prepared at the last minute... I altered three songs and two of the songs includes the class to respond back, for instance the song, You'll Be Back by Hamilton and Minnie the Moocher by Cab Calloway. Another one of the songs is a duet. So I contacted my friend 'T' to tell him that I needed him to sing with me. My crush said yeah sure what class, room number, what song....

I added him on snap and spoke to him there... only talking about the song.

The song is Suddenly Seymour from the Little Shop of Horrors.

He was willing and wanted to help me.

First we had to meet up somewhere...

March 2nd, 2018. It was insane outside there was sleet and wind.

After school I texted him to meet me at the school library. He said he was on his way, there was a lot of anticipation. ..

So I hid behind a book shelf.

I heard his voice and him greeting one of his friends. He looked around confused and he was about leave.

So I went back to my seat and waited for him to turn around and he did. I motioned him to sit next me.

I spoke about the song and and how i am suppose make it into a parody for my IOP.

Yes I was nervous! My freaking hand was shaking when I was trying to search the song up on my laptop.

He was eager to help. I liked that. He couldn't stay any longer because he had a meeting for musical theatre. The Drama Club were producing a musical called the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, it was cancel for that night due to the weather.

So he left and i felt satisfied.

During the weekend we texted each other, mostly about my IOP. Nothing about us. There was not an us in the first place, even though I secretly want us to be something more.

I did confess to him how I felt when I see him around...

This is what I texted him:

"But you know that's not the only reason why i want you to help with this project.

Let me be open and say I created unneeded awkward tension in the air that is probably all in my head idk... my fault but I needed closure... that's why I'm texting you...
I apologize if I made it seem like I have something against you and I don't. I'm just a socially awkward person...

I've been feeling guilty about acting like I never met you in my life... so yeah forgive me... even though i'm like the least of your worries..."

His response:

"No don't worry about it you're fine. I wasn't thinking that, I just want your project to come out good so you can get the grade you deserve. Your fine, trust me."


Monday, March 5, 2018

The day of my IOP.

Early in the morning I went to school and printed something out the song lyrics for my class. I get extra points for being in a visual aid.

So I saw my crush standing by the door way of the Media Center. My heart pounded for so many reasons. Him, my IOP, and singing.

Something unfortunate happened.

He texted me and explaining that, he can't go to my class because, the teacher would't let him go. He even begged teacher. She said that, if he walked out the classroom she would right him up.

I got to class everyone is smiling at me and I was so stressed out about that.

To cut the long story short. I end up singing the song by myself.

and yeah.

What's amazing is that we are cool with each other now.....

I am not satisfied....

Another thing i want to mention is numerology...

Last year I've been noticing the number 28 or 2 and 8 .

1. My birthday lands on the 28th day of September
2. His old locker number was 3-28
3. I don't know if this counts but, a fortune cookie that said, " Romance will come your way," one of the luck y number is 28.
4. The first letter of my first name and the first letter of my last name and the same for him adds up to 28.
(For example: A is the first letter of the alphabet B is the second letter. C is the third letter and D is the G is the seventh letter. 1+2+3+7=13)
5. His Jersey number is 82
6. My apartment building number is 208 and the Drama class room number is 208.
7. The apartment that I live in is apt 2C and the one across from it is 2F. ( C is the first letter in his first name)
8. So his birthday lands on 16th day of his birth month and mines on the 28.
9. Our school ID number adds up to 44.

Do you believe in numberology and can you tell me that the universe has something to do with it...
If any of you guys are reading this, please do not think I'm demented. Last year I was just so infatuated and right now I don't feel like having this mindset and believing in false hope.

I'm curious so i'm leaving a link to Sarahah:


(I know there are many grammatical errors. I wrote this article late at night.)