I have not been good since I discovered that a human like me could feel "feelings".

What does "feelings" mean?
Feelings : an emotional state or reaction.

What does "feelings" mean to me?
Feelings : a weapon that you give to your interlocutor to destroy you.

I'm done because I did some mistakes. A lot of mistakes. I'm tired. I wanted to forgiven me, but they don't want to. It's not these fault, it's mine. I didn't have to do what I did. I'm feeling so lonely, because everybody let me down. I understand I did it, but I'm a human too. I need friends and love by humans like you all. I miss happiness for too long. I'm sorry.

One last try.
I give to live one last try.

Friday, I'm going to a party with friends. It's a birthday. In this party I'll drink a lot. It's not a good idea, but I don't care: we have one life.

I have suicidal thoughts. It's done. I said it. If I don't change my mind at this party, I'll make a second attempt. Yes. A attempt that will decide if I deserve life in happiness.