When I narrate my life to someone, I can’t quite say it’s a fairytale or a disney princess movie, at all. My life is full of ups and downs. You can’t certainly say it’s a roller coaster cause when you ride a roller coaster in the end, you say it’s fun, it gave you adrenaline, you want to do it again and it’s something you will never want to forget. My life isn’t all about that. My life is plain and simple. Full of insults from me to myself, full of the corners you’re afraid to turn to in a haunted maze or an abandoned alley, full of doubts and uncertainty and full of betrayals; and tears amongst other things. To that someone that I am narrating my life to, that person being a relatively close friend or a complete stranger (Which is highly unlikely.) Clearly can say one of two things, I’m either trying to draw attention or my life is miserable. I don’t like being the center of attention so you can cross out the first option, the second one hits closest to jackpot. Although my life has it’s happy parts and it has many things to be grateful of and of which I am but it’s not what I want. I want a life where my thoughts don’t get the best of me or where they don’t consume me. Where I can turn that corner without the fear of being backstabbed or jumpscared. Where I know what I want to eat in the food court mall or when it’s time to leave something behind where it belongs or anything at all really. I want to know who it is I can trust, when and with what information. I want to read or listen to music then when it’s time just turn off my lamp and roll over to the other side of the bed and fall in a deep sleep without thoughts or regrets or worries. But that’s not life, life isn’t so easy. Life has the ups and downs. Life has the heartbreaks and the tears. Life has the regrets and fears. But it also has laughs and unforgettable memories. It has friends and family, but just like that smile can be faked, so can that person you thought would be there at your own wedding. Maybe what they say is true, it’ll get worse before it gets better but I don’t know how life can get worse than this, then again life never does cease to surprise me. This may seem deep and cheesy but all of this is true. This is the outcome of my consuming thoughts. This is similar to what I think and say to myself on a daily basis. I know, I haven’t quite narrated my past yet to people, this is already jaw dropping and heartbreaking. I don’t want pity, so don’t give me pity. I do not ask of you to understand what it is living this life. But I do ask to not judge me by my smile or by the chapter you walked in on. Faking a smile is easy and you will never know what truly goes on in ones mind because that smile is as bright as people want it to be. Look at me, yes I am in a better state, I don’t think of killing myself every ten milliseconds but before it was that way, before I could imagine what it would be like not living with the pain or not living at all. But that doesn’t mean my life is now a double sided rainbow. A double sided rainbow is colorful and bright through both ways, I am not that. However, I am not implying that I am fake. When I say something, I mean it. I don’t go around dragging people along or lead them to something they can’t have from me. I say what needs to be said.