I just want to be loved. It may sound weird but I know deep inside everyone feels that way. I sure do. I’m so fed up of having one night swings and then not talking to them again. I’m so fed up of being treated as an object that it’s not amusing anymore.
I used to tell myself that I didn’t mind, that I wasn’t relationship material anyways, that I would never get tied up. I just love lying to myself, don’t I? I mean, who doesn’t want someone to treat them good? To care about them? Who doesn’t want someone to fall in love with them and not some illusion created because we’re too afraid to show the real us? I mean, I don’t want to be lonely all my life. And I know that just because I don’t find my soulmate doesn’t mean my life will be worse, it would just feel a little empty.
I just want to find that person that loves how I can’t stop moving when im anxious or how I can’t prevent myself from eating when I’m having a bad day. I want someone to understand and respect my insecurities, and I don’t want that person to be myself. I want someone to share my life with, all of it.
Someone I can share my problems and happiness with. The person that would help me go through hell. I want that person, but I have the constant fear that I will never be loved that way.
I mean, what is there to love? I’m a bag full of insecurities, problems with no solutions and sarcastically mean comment. If they told me to do a list of what’s good about me, I would probably leave the age in blank.
I’m so sick of feeling useless and like constant disappointment, I just want someone telling me its okay, someone to show me that I deserve to be loved, that I’m not just the piece of sh** society has made me feel. Is that too much to ask for?