all my life i have been told i'm not mixed enough.
i don't have dark enough skin.
i don't have curly enough hair.
i act to white.
all these things being said to me over time added up to me being insecure about me, my looks, and speaking up.
yet i continued to do it anyways.
speaking up about my experience as a mixed girl in america
it sucks- for me at least.
when i hung out with a group of mainly african american people they would ask me questions like i had to "prove my blackness" to them- which i didn't feel comfortable doing.
when i hung out with a group of mainly white people, every time i would mention me being mixed, my "blackness" they would get squirmy.
"you're basically white tho"
"just say you're black and you can hang out with us"
where things i constantly heard from both groups of people- i fought to hold onto my identity even though it was hard.
i will never forget the day when kids at my 2nd grade lunch table fought over my race.
it shocked me.
i was only in 2nd grade- at a new school, i never knew that a type of thing like my ethnicity would get people so riled up.
another thing I've heard a lot through these years is the constant- "what are you?"
well i'm a human what are you?
yes, yes i know what they mean but thats not the type of thing you ask someone when you first meet them...
when i explain that i'm mixed i feel like a need a whole god damn map, like a need to make a diagram and shit.
"well i'm 75% white and 25% black because my dads mixed"
"so who's black"
"my grandpa, my grandpa is black"
how does it all make sense now once i say who's black in my family?
and why does it even matter to you in the first place?
those are the real questions.
i know i will have to keep dealing with ignorant people who want to question me
and i will keep speaking out about it
i will keep writing articles about it
because thats who i am
and i'm damn proud