So for some reason this feeling of numbness hit me as soon as I started my music. No clue why but in this moment it feels like the only person I know is here is the man in the moon. I dont know why im crying but the only thing that feels good is the smoking leaving my body this life is killing me and I just want to put myself through all the pain i put everyone else through im sorry if you have ever got the chance to know some or even most of my thoughts. Just it feels good to be able to hurt and I only got hardly a week of "happiness" and yet i lost myself again ugh. I keep wanting to draw but why draw if its just gonna end up making me worse the only thing that could make me feel better is just being able to sleep and to talk yet i dont wanna talk and i dont wanna sleep i just wanna be able to feel better but i cant get away this feeling is dragging me down and im dragging myself. "guys are strong they dont cry or even show physical weakness" i can call bullshit on that i always break under the pressure of having to be alone. I break under the pressure of listening to my music and i cant ever escape it. nothing will allow me to break free and to let my music go or feeling i can only run so far and then im in a hole again. my head is so screwed up at the moment its not even funny and i just can stop crying i dont know whats wrong its just weird for me to randomly cry but iits happening now. writing use to make me happy but now its just something to pass the sadness i dont know anymore and its slowly killing my inside