National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. To all my beautiful girls/guys out their battling with recovering from an eating disorder, you got this! The ones who have recovered, I'm proud of you!

This Is My Story:
A boy. He's the reason I started eating less. As if being thinner would make him love me more. It was a toxic relationship. He didn't want to tell his friends about me... So I thought maybe if I was prettier? The media told me " Skinny is Pretty"... I counted my calories. I went from eating 2,000 calories a day to eating 1,200 calories a day. Nothing more than 1,200. If I did... I would make sure the next day I'd eat less. Some days I would eat even less. Those days I felt my best. It felt like an accomplishment. Even the healthy foods. I deprived myself of everything. I didn't want to gain weight. I dropped the weight... 150 ... 140...130...120. I still felt fat... and he still didn't show me off. He left me. I was 120 pounds and lost my period. I was diagnosed with secondary amenorrhea. It isn't deadly, it just means that since I lost weight really quickly I lost my period. It was a possibility it would never come back but it did once I started my recovery.

My Recovery Process:
When my family found out that I was starving myself, they immediately begged me to eat. I started to eat more. Yet it was so hard to eat some a burger or a slice of pizza. I would get a panic attack because I still feared I would gain weight. Through these past 2 years of recovery, I can now eat it yet sometimes I still fear gaining weight. It is a process. Although I have physically recovered, I am still working on the mental part of it all. I am getting better though. Day by day I feel mentally stronger.