February started with having sex in a car. I mean, that is not bad, or is it? It felt great. I felt great.
And what else? I was drunk that night. I actually need to stop being drunk all the time but it is just so much fun.
Okay, I can not recommend having sex in a car because of the little space you have. It was hard to turn, you know. But it was a great experience. I have never done it in a car before. Never mind. I did not have sex that often before. Before sleeping with the same guy like in January I had sex the last time in, I think, April 2016. Yes, no sex in 2017. Maybe because of that 2017 was so horrible.
Starting this internship at "Deutsche Pop" was by far the greatest action until now. It is so much fun and I actually learn so much.
I got to know so many awesome people. I seriously work with a music producer who works together with Stars like Snoop Dog and Katy Perry. It is such an adventure. I can not wait to meet more interesting and inspiring people like them. But not the complete month was as great as it started. I mean, not everything can always be good. I had to deal with those feelings again, where I think that I am not good enough and never will be. Or if it is even my fault he will not text back. Because he did not. For over a week. He did not reply to my messages for over a week and that lets me think of what I did wrong. I never thought about him being the reason he does not text back. Maybe he is busy and working much. Or he is not feeling well. I do not know and I actually do not even care. I know that is bad and egoistic but that is who I am. I am egoistic and selfish. I just think about what I want and need. And if someone treats me like that I search for the reason in my personality and not in others. Shoutout to the people that taught me that everyone leaves and I can only count on myself. Thanks for that lesson. I have learned that the hard way but in the end I understood that it is what it is and that I can not change people. I can only change myself, what made me egoistic and selfish. Because there was no one that showed interest in me, my actions or my behaviour. So I started being interested in me and only me. For me, I am important. Well yes, there are like three other people in my life I care about. And I honestly think that the number of people I care about will not change that soon.
And while thinking it could not get any better this month, I really was scared to be pregnant. I really was concerned that I was pregnant. Thank God, I was not. My period was running late, what happens every month. Nothing special. I can say it is normal for me to get my period on the last day in birth control break. But this time it freaked the shit out of me. Having sex and then running late on period shook me. Worst feeling ever. I actually will never have kids. I do not really like kids. They are loud and annoying and need attention all the time. And I am pretty much being busy giving attention only to me.
And then, while thinking I was already at my rock bottom because of thinking I was pregnant, it got much more worse.
That girl, I got rid of in January, actually wanted to display me. She really wanted to display me. Well I was not shocked at all because I knew that she would go down with me because of she wrote in return when we had that fight. But my mom did not know that. And yes, she really called my mom and talked to her about that. I freaked out and called her back to ask why she did that. I was not really mad but I just wanted to know why she talked to my mom. We are both twenty year old women and we can clear the situation ourselves. We do not need our parents for that. That is so childish. But that is what she does not understand because she is so dumb.
And if that was not enough for February, she really got my best friend on her side. Like really?!
They talked and stopped fighting over the same fucking thing I did with her and now they are friends again and I, obviously, do not like that. I told my best friend what I think about her being friends with this stupid dumb ass girl but she just told me that is not my choice. Well, me or her. You can not have both of us as friends. She is supposed to make a decision. Or I am going to make it for her.