Before you scrolling down to read this articles, I want to say this today topic its gonna be really emotional, so prepare you're heart and mind, because the topic its really dark and I don't want to bring anyone down. My main purpose to write this is just want to answer the sixth day question and sharing is caring.

If one of you are have not read my previous article answering a day five question, don't need to worry, here's the link about the article:

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What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Already told you all in second day answering the question, that I’ve been thought maybe I have an Atelophobia**. More precisely, maybe I was had an anxiety disorder for 2 years and in that time, I’ve been through it alone, without anybody beside me. My close friends was really busy and far away from me and when I feels I need them, they were had something work to do. Even my family was not around me, because we are not living together for awhile. I was really don’t want to made people that i love worried about me, I just keep enduring the pain in my head, never telling anybody. That's why I feel it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life, fight for toxic that I made from myself, toxic from other people, sickness happens due to anxiety/stress, and then many bad happens coming to my life because of this

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For so many time I wanna giving up with life. But I found its really necessary and stupid if I just cut off my life. I was somebody who just don't recognize myself, lost self-confidence, being upset and overthinking with anything. Actually I just have been through a hard times, not a bad life. I never feeling grateful for what I had in that time and just thought about myself than others, really a very selfish version of my self. I was blaming everybody around me until I don't have somebody to blame, end up its make me blaming my own self, then being a person that I hate. When I realize it's getting bad and I need to get out of this darkness, I just pray a lot to God to always guide me to the light, show me the way to get out of this problem. After that, I tried to be honest with myself, my friends, my family and be brave to tell everything, what exactly happens to me. Later, trying to accept any possibility what will happens and take all the consequences. Turns out all the fear that keep haunting to me, it was not true at all. Most of all its just my assumption, the way I’m thinking it was wrong in the beginning.

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Even actually I’ve through shit happen in life so many times, maybe why the reason this experienced it was the worst because I’ve been through it a lot just by myself, all figure it out without a really real person behind me. So many acquaintance (was my friends honestly) who have been saying so many things about me, what should i do, what I shouldn’t do, until I realize they are not helping at all. Maybe that's the point of why they are exist in my life, I don't want to hate them, I just want to say thank you for what they did to me, so right now I’m being stronger
person than before.

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Since then, I never want to change myself to be what people said to me, I just want to get to know myself, evolving, more growing, being person more better than what i want to be, be more love myself just the way they are. Wow, this is really a quite long article and i hope you found this entertaining to read. Thank you for supporting and reading this, that’s all for now, see you tomorrow!

With all my love,

** P.S. For you who is want to read all the previous article or even want to keep updated on my answers for a month, just check out this collection!