Ok so I've been seeing a lot of stories about broken hearts and sometimes it gets me mad because in my prespection they have no idea what that is, maybe it's because i'm still hurt, or maybe i'm not seeing how a heart can be broken in so many ways, so yeah... this article is to tell you about my experience and to tell you another way a heart can be broken.

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The Beginning

My mom used to be friends with our front neighbour, and she had two kids, one was older than me two years, and the other was younger than me two years, meaning they were four years apart.

I used to play with them all the time, my mom sometimes was their babysitter, so we used to hang out a lot. I've been living there since I was one year old so i have no idea how we've actually met, for me we kinda just did because we were too young to remember.

We used to play video games, hide and seek and all the kids games, and the older brother always liked to mess up with me, that was how he was, he was really outgoing, and since i was very quiet, he liked to push me to my limit.

How It Happened

I don't know how it happened, i really don't, we were just kids, and he used to make me laugh a lot, and the way he messed with me, i really liked it.

So for all the adults saying that "They're just kids, they don't know what love is.", at just ten years of age, i did know what love was.

Now for all those who wonder, "Ten years old you say?", yes. He was my best friend at that time, and i knew i loved him way before, but at ten i REALLY knew because since he was older, i got to go to the same school as him when i was ten, and we used to go to school everyday together. We went to the same school before, but since he was older, i was too young to remember. And since then, everything changed.

The Broken Heart

Right now i want you to know that i did not tell him i loved him, i just couldn't because i was too scared to speak my mind at the time, and still am to this day, i just hate talking about feelings.

I was eleven when we suddenly stopped talking. Just like that. No hanging out anymore, no talking, no nothing.

I don't blame him tho, because he was older and you know, i was eleven, maybe he thought i was into other stuff, i don't know. My mom is still friends with his mom, so everytime they hang out i tend to not be around.

I never talked to him since.

And what hurts the most is not loosing the boy i loved, is loosing my best friend. And knowing that it's probably my fault.

The Present

I can honestly say my heart still beats a lot when i see him, since he's literally my front neighbour, there's no way to avoid him. Sometimes if i see him i wait until he goes away to get out of the house, but if i'm in a rush i just have to face him.

I really don't know if it's love that i feel or if it's my heart telling me i miss him.

One thing i know. I would love to be friends with him again, because he used to make me laugh a lot, and i know he's a good person. Also, i would love to look at his eyes again, because if i see him, i just can't face him.

By the way, i'm 20 years old now, almost 21 (2nd March is my birthday).
He's 22, almost 23. (29th March is his birthday).

Relationsips

Since then, i can't love anyone. Not that i don't want to. I just can't.

Sometimes i wonder if there's something wrong with me. If i'm capable of actually loving someone.

I do have crushes sometimes. But as they come, they go. And i can tell you that right now i do have a crush on someone, someone that i can't be with. And no it's not a celebrity. Also no, i'm sure he doesn't like me back, which is good because i don't think we can be together anyways.

But yeah, i think i like him because he reminds me of the guy i just told you about, i really don't know.

The End

Please, if you have some kind off advice for me, let me know. I gave up on love a long time ago.

Don't get me wrong, i am happy being single, but once in my life, i would like to know what love is like, what loving someone who actually loves you back is like.

By the way, i wrote a poem about him, if you want to check it out it's here:

If you actually read the whole thing, congratulations to you fella! I appreciate it!

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