(sarcastic, funny, strong, inspiring, beautiful)

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"Hello, brother."
"I'm here to eat cotton candy and steal your girl."
"You? You hate me. You once told that calling me Satan is an insult to Satan."
"No one tells me how I live my life! No one tells me who I love! Especially not some vindictive, prehistoric witch and definitely not the Uniserve! I'm not gonna let someone else's idea of destiny stop me from loving you or being with you or building a future with you because - You are my life!"
"Now I'm hurt."
"The only person I can count on is me."
"You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure and even a little danger."
"You're disgusting", "I know."
"I'm not a hero. I don't do good, it's not in me."
"Looking at the stars, listening to the Universe laughing at me."
"I can't drink all this by myself. I mean I can, but then somebody's gettin' naked."
"I'm surrounded by idiots."
"Yoo-hoo. Big bad vampire out here."
"I'd rather die right now than spend my last final years remembering how good I had it and how happy I was!"
"Bad day?", "Bad century."
"If you're gonna be bad, be bad with a purpose."
"I like being the eternal stud."
"What happens if the one who breaks your heart is the only one who can fix it?"
"Dear diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. This lie will haunt me forever. "
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"Today isn't the worst day of your life. There will be people day in and day out, like they're afraid to leave you alone. The worst day? It's gonna be next week, when there's nothing but quiet."
"Hope is a bitch."
"I don't trust easily, so when I say I trust you, don't make me regret it."
"Great, give me a stick, I'll kill Damon right now!", "Easy there, Van Helsing."
"I'm just stuck here fighting my brother and taking care of 'the kids'."
"There's no such thing as bad ideas, just poorly executed awesome ideas."
~ Jeremy, about to kill Damon ~ "Put the damn crossbow down, Pocahontas."
"Looks like my brother ripped out a page of my revenge-sex handbook."
"If I hear one more word, one of us is gonna break your neck. Spoiler alert! - It's gonna be me."
"It's in New Jersey", "New Jersey? The supernatural other world is bound by an object in Snooki's backyard?"
"I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care."
"I will rip your heart out and shove it down your throat."
"Skip the teen drama and get to it."
"You thought I was gonna leave you alone?"
"Better watch your back. I may just get a hero-hairdo of my own and steal your thunder."
"I'll make you scream my name so loud that you'll forget yours."
"If you wanna forget that it happened, fine! But I can't."
"Some girls just can't resist my good looks. My style. My charm. And my unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift."
"Oh no, she will what? Hurt me? Dump me? - Been there, done that. Wrote a country song."
"Have you ever been so bent on someone, just to have your heart ripped out by them?"
"You're my best friend! And if anything ever happened to you, I would lose my mind!"
"You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you, you have to go and get it."
"I know you're obsessed with me."
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"Don't look at me with those judgy little eyes."
"I promise I will never leave you again."
"You know you were dreaming about me, it explains the drool."
"I look at you and see myself. But a less dashing and less intelligent version."
"I like that confidence, Stefan. I don't share, but I like it."
"An apology", "A what?"
"When I kill somebody they are supposed to stay dead!"
"We can't procreate, but we love to try."
"I feel, okay? And it sucks!"
"Our love is one big proverbial coin toss."
"Stop looking for him, stop waiting for him to come home, Just stop!"
"Wanna see me naked, just ask."
"I'm just going to ignore the bitch."
"I will love you until I take my last breath on this earth."
"This time I'm not going to make it easier for you."
"Don't want to. Don't have to. Not gonna."
"You know what would make me happy? That whatever you felt for me was actually real!"
"At the end of the day I'm the one to keep her alive."
"I can't be what other people want me to be."
"So, what do you want?", "You."
"I've been in love. Painful, pointless, overrated."
"I've heard great things about you.", "Really? That's weird, I'm a dick."
"When people see good they expect good - I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations."
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- Damon Salvatore