Mom, I am depressed
But you don't understand my depression.
it is not me just being sad
it is not me just being tired
it is not me just being emotional
it is not me just looking for attention
and no I am not on my period.

Some days are the dark days
I am a hostage of my own bed
My thoughts are chains that hold me down
Digging into my skin
Pressing down on my lungs.
I fight to get up because I have to
Getting up is hard
But staying up is harder
And mom, some days I just can't get up.

Mom asks “why?”
I say I am drowning
My anxiety fills my mind up with water
And I can’t breathe.
My body is a never ending earthquake.
Millions of voices and strange noises fill my ears
It is quiet yet loud in my head,
And I cannot concentrate.
Mom says “what is anxiety?”
I say it is depression's best friend
Who came to visit
But decided to stay
And keep me company.

Listen mom, I am depressed
But don’t want to kill myself
I just want to disappear
Pause time
Until everything feel better.

Yes mom, I smile
I laugh when jokes are funny
And I do have happy days.
But inside I am broken.
Filled with self-disgust
Consumed by my insecurities.
I’ve become paranoid.

Mom says “Being happy is a choice”
But if it were why would I suffer?
It’s not like I enjoy crying myself to sleep
Feeling alone within my friends
Panicking during class for no reason
Feel judged of my every move
And not being able to enjoy everything as much as others do.

Mom, I am depressed
But you don’t understand my depression
And neither do I.