deep enough to drown, that's for sure.

the waves keep trying to pull me down, i swallow salty water, gasp for air.
then it gets calm again, I'm almost floating. but this gets boring. and lonely. in every direction the horizon is water, just water. empty, plain, dark, but reflecting the light on the dimpled surface. sometimes it's really sunny, warm and nice. but there are just as many hours I spend in gloomy fog, it gets chilly and i get cold. and sad. sometimes melancholic, sometimes depressed.
you know why you feel so empty when its cold? because you actually are, something's missing. the warmth. cold itself doesnt exist, there's only the absence of heat.

in you i found something.
not sure what, yet. an isle or a boat? time will tell. will you stay the way you are, give me stability and a place to stay for now?
or are you my companion, supporting and taking this ride with me?

you keep me from drowning.
but i'm afraid i'm too clingy. a burden or a liability for you.
and maybe even annoying. i know you like to spend time alone every now and then. and needy me simply ignores this and persuades you to give me your time. and i guess i never even said thank you.
thank you.
i know i take more than i give. i wish it was the other way around.
i wish i could be in charge, be the one to make the first move, lead the conversation or make decisions.
but you're so good at all this, so much better than i am.

i'm trying to improve and stuff, stop being doubtful about myself, who i am and what i say. but no matter how much self-esteem i develope, your simply better than me. you make less mistakes, you are more prudent and considerate, you have a nicer relationship to your friends. you're just a good person.

daaamn, it's so hard loving someone without being in love.
especially when you're not happy with who you are.
i never feel like i can make you happy.

and i'm not sure if you make me happy.
i guess you do. there's nothing i could complain about, you're pretty fucking close to perfect for me.
but nothing ever makes me happy.

i'm afraid i'm to spoiled, i got so much to love but usually i fucking hate it.

no, i don't hate. this is an emotion i forbid myself. it's neither good for you nor for others.
but i don't like it, i'm annoyed and ignore it. all those things i could be grateful for.
people, things, opportunities.

i don't wanna waste my life, i only got one.
please let this be a good one.

i just gotta keep swimming.
sooner or later there will be the shore.