this is my first article on this new account so i'm kind of new to this but here you go-

i find beauty in things most people wouldn't,
i'm able see the beauty of the world,
i see the goodness there is.
and i can find the beauty within myself.
but what makes me so unhappy, is that others cant.
my potential is hidden, disguised by fear and anxiety.
i try to push it away, but my thoughts overwhelm me.
i'm trapped in my head.
i'm trapped with all my mixed thoughts and emotions.
the world is beautiful, yet it sucks.
it's dumb
its stupid
its oblivious
its wrong.
but its beautiful,
its kind.
and its brutal,
and its foolish,
and its so damn unfair.
the universe is so confusing yet its all so simple.
i am torn.
i'm torn between giving up or holding on.
living to see another day,
or letting myself finally have some peace,
finally getting a rest.
i'm torn.
i find myself in this situation time after time.
each time i decide to give it myself a little longer,
each time i decide to hold on to hope, to have some faith.
but each time i find myself back in the same position.
yes, i can see the beauty,
but i'm not immune the hideous things that go on.
i am human, i am living, i am alive.
and that's a good thing, but its also painful and terrible and annoying and so so lonely.
i'm alive, but i don't feel like it.
yes my heart's beating, but it hurts.
yes i am breathing, but its hard.
yes i'm still standing, but only because i have to.
i want to give up,
i want to lay down,
i want to fall asleep and never have to wake up.
i want to live inside of my dreams forever,
or at least until life stops being to damn hard.
i know it may not seem like it, but i'm hopeful.
too hopeful for my own good.
and its killing me.
this beautiful shitty world and my incurable hope is destroying my very existence.
i don't know how to stop it, and i'm too tired to even try.