I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings so even when writing i don't know what i want to talk about. I am just so stuck in all of these feelings...
Can you even imagine how disastrous it feels when you feel so much and think about so much. My head is always so heavy... It's filled with everything. Even little things can make my heart anxious.
I am scared of everything. and people... communication with others feel so bad now. I'm trying, I'm really trying so so hard to be a normal and act like nothing is happening around me but its really tiring. I'm so scared of showing myself I'm so scared they knowing how i feel and how i think cause really being in my head is disgusting.
My head is filled with everything and nothing at the same time. "Just an empty doll" - is written on my wall. I couldn't think about the best description for myself. You may ask how can i be empty when i feel so much? But believe me when you feel so much you shut yourself kill person yourself who was called your name and the most funny moment is that it repeats every day, every minute, every second and as the time goes by you feel so so... Heavy...
I don't want my dearest people to see me like i see myself in the mirror. There is so much disgust, indifference and emptiness in my eyes. I have talked and talked about my feelings with my friends but its like it will never go away from me. Like it is already part of me. sadness, loneliness and emptiness became the person i used to be. i am really afraid of myself...
I want it to change but i don't know how should it be. i can't remember how is it to feel normal...
I really thought about everything every day and every night but i can't find any solution. And maybe i repeat maybe the best solution is to accept the way i see world and accept myself as i am now?
maybe i will be able to find peace if i try to accept myself?
And you reader of my little story if you feel the same or you want someone to talk about or someone who has some advice i'm always here and know that WHI is the society who can understand each other. we are the people who will always stand for each other.
lots of love
P.S I used to have different nickname psychopath but i think Hellarosse better fits to me. I explain it like rose from hell. Rose for beauty which is in every one of us and hell for the darkness which surrounds me.
I want to share this amazing song to all of you.