Just like everyone else, I loved to lie down and think about everything what happened that day. I fell into the bed, stared at the ceiling and tried to remember to the more important things: when they made me laught with a horrible joke, when I was nervous about something or somebody, when somebody made me feel like I’m flying about ten inches above the ground with an incredible compliment.
It was the fifth of February. I put my phone down about 11 pm, I grabbed the blanket and let my head sink into my soft pillow. I tried not to look at the mirror next to the door – avoiding to see something in it what’s not meant to be there. I counted how many hours I can sleep and then just listened to the clacking of the clock. I differentiated every first- and second clacks, then I immersed in my thoughts and I didn’t hear the clacks at all.
Usually I thought about some seconds, this was „the joke of the day”: these jokes were terrible, lot of them was my nonsense bullshit. Yes, I was tiring, it was a whole new challenge to stay with me. In my head, those people were real mazochist. If they didn’t accept that I call them mazochist, I thought they like something in me.
I don’t know if it was my sense of humor or my silent ironic remarks. They may liked that I used some funny or cool phrases from the ones I loved, they could be really proud.
Whatever, usually when I arrived at this point of my thoughts, I thought I can be the most irritating person in the world, however, there were people who loved me just as I was. Of course, we were kidding each other all the time like „we’re not friends” and „I don’t even like you”, but we all know that we’re so lucky to have friends like they.
I often disgress from friends to an even more important person. In this case, call him Isaac, just to make it easier.
Isaac was a person who you can talk for hourst with if you tolerated his weird and awkward humour. It’s so strange: people always see the bad things in him but when you know him more, you only see his best qualities. So, he was really adorable if you could see beneath that hysterical, irritating layer.
A big part of my daydreaming was that I thought about Isaac, the conversations I had with him. I tried to recall every word, every complexion, but mostly his fantastic smile. Those short eye contacts when we didn’t say a single word, just watched each other and I could turn red immediately. These moments were the highlights of my days, these was the reason I woke up in the morning, I went to classes I which are not neccessary because of these seconds and strolled at the corridor to run into him and talk just about two words.
These things were really nice but I loved even better the ones I created to myself. After a lot of romantic films and books, I could imagine whole scenes with conversations, acts, gestures and – of course – a happy ending. These scenes grabbed the other big part of my daydreaming. I loved to think about how he could hug me and then wouldn’t let me go, how he could tell me that I’m so important for him, and what bizarre habits we would have if we were a pair – because every pair has it’s own habits.
I knew that I would never try to „eat” him in public but I’d give him much more kiss on the face, and I knew that I’d stand a lot on tiptoes and look up at him because he was so tall – and it really fitted to his personality. Honestly, I didn’t want a relationship like the ones was around me: I didn’t want to swallow his whole face, I didn’t want to get huge purple spots on my neck, I didn’t want to do super-cute things all the time and I didn’t want the whole school to talk about what we’ve been done and what we’ve not. I wanted to laught with him, joking on him, fight with him and then become reconciled, hug him, talk with him, int he right time cuddle with him and kiss him so long. I wanted to keep that playfulness what we already have as friends. I couldn’t imagine myself in a relationship what’s all about loving each other in public – and the emphasis is on the „in public” part. And I couldn’t imagine Isaac in a relationship like that either.
Okay, as little experienced people, we were really impressionable. I didn’t want to, but I was sure that if Isaac meet a girl who’s life is the loving in public, he would try to eat her romantically in every minute. Anywhere. Literally anywhere. And I have to tell you, I was afraid of this thought. We were locked up five days a week for a bunch of hours, I never knew what he’s doing when he’s not with me. I didn’t know his friends, I didn’t know how he spends his weekends and I didn’t know when he’ll shove his phone to me proudly, showing a picture of a girl – saying, she’s his girlfriend – who’s nicer and better than much girl from our class. There was, but at the same time, there wasn’t chance to this. There was, because he could find nicer girls than us. Nicer than Me.
At this point, my Isaac-thoughts stopped and I started thinking about myself. I made it clear that I’m irritating, now we can switch to common problems like „I could be prettier, thinner, prettier, more clever, maybe prettier, more diligent, and it would be awesome if I’d be prettier. And of course, prettier.”
A door opened in the flat and somebody walked into the kitchen. I took a look at my phone: it was 11:30 pm. I thought, I might sleep now, but then I just listened to the clacks again. I couldn’t go back into my fantasy, while there was somebody out there. At half past eleven I believed it’s possible that if I sink into a thought too much it become so loud that everyone can hear it and I will listen to their opinion about Isaac in my whole life. Even if we didn’t meet years ago.
Steps stopped and the door closed. I chased away my mazochist thoughts and I returned to the school. I thought about the conversations what we had after classes: everybody was tired, grouchy and we had terrible jokes. We often sat at the corridor and laughed about what we said. I often laughed with Isaac – or on him –, at those moments I forgot everything else what made me nervous that day. In those minutes I only payed attention on him and I felt like he’s shutting out everything except me. I loved when he payed attention only on me, when he listened to me or told something causeless bullshit. However, I didn’t like it when he had a really bad mood. He excluded everybody – including me – and we could talk about how jealous I was when he talked about other girls. Again. I really liked my theory that I’m important to him, but he really messed my head up a girl name appeared in our conversations.
Nevertheless, I was hoping that girl names will disappear as time goes by and he will talk about me to everybody else. I’m not thinking about outpouring, I didn’t want him to tell them he’s in love with the most beautiful, funniest and cleverest girl while his head is in the clouds. This characterization was so far from the truth. I was hoping that he’ll stand in front of me and ask me a date: to go to a concert/to the cinema/to the book shop, literally just walk to anywhere. It seemed like it’s just a matter of time and it will happen. Like I was really sure that he’ll come and ask me but didn’t know when.
How he talked to me, I was wondering what friendship means and what „more that friends” means. I still don’t know where’s the border between these two things, but maybe there’s no harsh line inbetween. Someone may realize after weeks that it’s more than friendship. It’s a hard thing, we can’t be totally sure what’s in the „friends” category to the other person.
Midnight came. I was listening to the clacking again. I got up, took a sip and layed back down. I was thinking about what’s friendship and what’s not. I fell asleep with this question in my head. Actually, I fell asleep with Isaac in my head.


Hey Hearters!

So, this is the first short-story I ever posted to anywhere. It's such a huge step for me, because I wrote stories only in Hungarian until now and I was thinking about "what if I translate it and post it?"
I won't promise I will post another one, because it takes me time to write it and translate it - and you may know, I don't have so much free time, I'm just a teenager - but I really hope you liked it!

Ps.: I'm sorry, I'm sure that there're mistakes in the translation! Please ignore them, I need to study a lot!

Lots of Love,