I remember the night so clearly... when I finally realized that it was over..us. I ended it, not because I wanted to but because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. The pain of seeing us trying to make something work that obviously wasn’t and trying so hard to keep something that just wasn’t there anymore. I told you that you had changed which was true, but I see you changing into the person you were and who you have become has made you happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I don’t think anyone will ever know the love I had for you and I don’t think you’ll never know how I feel or how much it hurts when I see you happy with someone else. I can’t even look you in the eyes without wanting to break down.. and that night I saw you and then her.. come up behind you and hold you the way I used to, I don’t think you know how much that broke me either. I am such a coward for feeling this way because I was the one who let you go, but then again you didn’t fight for me. Why didn’t you? That’s all I wanted you to do, was to show me that you still cared. We didn’t even get to say our goodbyes to each other. And oh boy do I remember the night I saw that you had for sure moved on. I was in the movie theatre with my best friend. We decided to go see a lame kid movie to pass time before we had to be somewhere in the area. I went on twitter and saw that you were with somebody new now . I never have felt my chest fill up like I was drowning under water and I couldn’t breathe and never thought my eyes could fill up with tears that fast. It only got worse over time, seeing the photos of you guys together, at family events that I used to go to and to your games and trips that I should’ve went on and been at. Damn I should've fucking been there. I wanted to be there and with you. Your one year just passed and it still hasn’t gotten any better for me, I still feel that emptiness in my heart which you used to fill. You were the one person I could tell everything to and you wouldn’t judge, you would just listen. You knew everything about me and my past and still accepted me for who I was. You always gave me the best advice too. You helped me with so much and made me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. I miss staying up with you and talking to you for hours on the phone and on FaceTime just laughing so much, we always had something to talk about. I could be myself around you....I felt like I had no worry in the world with you. I always find myself saying I’m over you but then here I am writing this, feeling so empty and so lost without you. How do you get over someone that had such a huge impact on you? You were in my life so long and I was so used to you, why did you leave without putting up a fight for me? Why can’t I get over you? Do you ever think about me and what we could’ve been? I do all the time.. I’m so hurt, you hurt me so much and all I wanna do is hurt you and show you how I felt and still feel, but I would never have the heart to hurt me like you did and do. It was physical hurt where I would feel my body ache, my stomach hurt and my lungs gasp for air but emotional and mental hurt was the worst. Feeling like you aren’t good enough will destroy you. Was I not good enough? Will I ever be good enough? I have the biggest trust issues now and I push everyone who truly cares about me away. Because you never know anymore how someone feels or if they’re there to stick around. Hell I thought you were gonna be here still. I will never be the same because of you. I think that is so beautiful that someone can make that much of an impact on you where you’ll never be the same because of their place in your life, but yet again so heartbreaking that someone could feel this low because of someone. I used to pray for you, crying on my bathroom floor, begging God to bring you back to me. And still the question that I’ll never know the answer to eats me alive. Why didn’t you fight for me? I hope one day you finally realize what we could’ve had and you see the pain I went through. Even though a lot of this has been painful, there’s been joy. I look at life a lot differently now. Before you, I didn’t love myself. And when I lost you, I never thought I could love myself. You leaving, pushed me to love myself . Maybe one day you’ll try to reach out to me and that's all I could of possibly wanted now but I know if you do, I’ll already learned to love myself for who I am and I’ll be grateful because I know one day I’ll finally get past this and I know I’ll be with someone that I will never have to ever second guess their love for me. You have changed me into the person I am today and I thank you for that even though it brought a lot of pain and emotions, I’m learning how to be strong and independent and I’m finally finding myself again. I’ll miss you forever

Someone that considered you their world