This is probably the hardest thing for me to write about. But I know that I am not alone in this world and I must share my difficulties in order to help others.

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I have no idea when was the exact time it started but it came slowly. Suddenly got me into its big hands of fear. As if it would say "Hi, I'm Anxiety".
No nice to meet you... really it is not.

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I guess at some point it got worse at some it slow down. Sadly, it is always there.

So what is it like to have an anxiety and depression?

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Well, a day usually starts with the big fear of unknown and the fact that you will soon enough see people who you are probably nice and fun to be with but as much as you want to talk to them, you feel like you are not supposed to say anything. Feeling of being unliked strikes right into your heart. And the silent comes along the way. So that is how you look "shy" in the eyes of others.

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But I'm not shy. Not at all. Actually, I was more than out going back in days, before I met anxiety.

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Back then you would hear me talking and laughing and just not having any fear of others opinions. Hmm I miss it so much.

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So after a while, you find a few people to joke around with. You know, just to feel at least a little bit normal. But those few can't understand what you are going through. It's all fine, it's not their fault you are like that.

Sometimes there are days when you feel fine and you try to smile and try to go back to those days when you were "cooler" but it ends very quickly.

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So you just get home and either cry or think to yourself how fucking useless and unwanted you are. You are not even sure if it's your fault or it's the others that make you this way.

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Every day feels like dying and you are just walking corpse of a human that you use to be.

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Well, the night is the hardest. You have to go to sleep and to fall asleep you must not think about anything. That is when you remember what someone said a year ago and you just lie there in bed with tears in your eyes and all the times you fucked this all yourself and how worthless you are. And you ask yourself if it's even worth for you to live a life like this.

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But baby, it's worth it. I have been thinking about this for a while. It doesn't matter how terrible life seems to be these days. There is always a chance for a better tomorrow.

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And maybe that tomorrow isn't soon but it will come. The day you will get yourself together and you will stand the way you use to stand. The shy, the walking corpse, the crybaby- all of that will remain in your past. And you will walk those streets like you rule them.

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A much as we hate to hear it, you just have to wait and work hard.

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It's hard for me to believe in these words that I am writing now but I know that one day I will thank myself for trying and not giving up.

I know that you are strong enough to survive anxiety and depression even if today you can only feel the rain. Sun will rise and you will get your ass outside and you are going to love it!

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I love you♥
Ever want to talk? Feel free :)