This year has already gotten a little rough, but I know 2018 will be a good year. You and I will make the best of it. Something I've realized already is how much I've already processed of my past and how I'm processing my current situation. This is the farthest I've ever come in ever being close to "normal" mental health and emotional intelligence. I feel like I will really get over the past and quit worrying about the future. Really focus on the now and what I can do to improve my life and the lives of others.
But now to the important topic. I've always felt different from everyone, even from my closest friends and family. I've always had an element of being misunderstood, of constantly fighting between logic and emotion. Battling undiagnosed bouts of anxiety and depression. If you feel this way too, I want you to know that you're not alone; I've come to realize that as a Christian, I don't have to let those things define me or cripple me. Learning to take comfort in that simple truth does wonders.

Let me tell you something. When I feel lonely, I look up at the sky at night. I see the beautiful, pale face of the moon; all the twinkling, glittering stars. And I know that someone, somewhere, is looking up and seeing that same pale, round orb, and the same glowing pinpricks and maybe feeling the same way that I am. I am not alone. And neither are you.
God is with us, He identifies with our pain and sorrow and loss, He is strong enough to bear the weight of it all. But I'm also not alone physically. Because there ARE people in the world like me. I have only to find them.
Another thing I've realized is that I'm really not that open or vulnerable. Oh, I am with a select few, the people that I can call my closest, dearest, best friends, but not just anyone. I suppose it's a good thing. It is, in a way.
But in another way it's not. I can't connect with people if there's not some level of vulnerability and openness, I can't share my story if I feel uncomfortable with being that deep with them. I feel like there's this side of me, this whole other world that I have kept hidden from people, because if they saw it they would be shocked, or be apathetic, or laugh and say what a weird, silly girl. I suppose a part of me is still afraid of what people may say and think. I scare people off because I'm too intense; too passionate. I don't want to apologize for who I am, but I know I must protect myself. I've been burned before. I've tried to show my heart, show my passions, the ideas in my head with people, only to find out they didn't care, they didn't want anything to do with me. Being vulnerable and open and honest hurts.
But I believe it is necessary in this world. I find that I am becoming vulnerable and honest with complete strangers. Not just anybody, but those who really need words of encouragement or advice.
You never know the impact you may have. We need more kindness. We need more compassion. We need people willing to look out for others and put their needs before their own.
I am glad to see that I am progressing in this direction, that I am growing and becoming more aware, becoming wiser, becoming an adult. It's about time.
I want to start a blog this year, but I have to remember; to connect I must be vulnerable and open. I must always be honest; whether people think I'm weird or not. There will always be people like that. But there will always be ones who care, ones who appreciate you for who you are and what you are doing. And those are the ones who matter.
Don't ever forget that.

stay strong,