it was a bad day. i think you know that. after all the things that happened, i think you know that.

our relationship was never the best, we both know this too. yes, there was love, but sometimes, love is not enough. you need trust, you need to know how to get through things without arguing and with just communicating, you need to spend time together. love is never enough. love cant live through everything, love cant be there forever.

i was never the good girlfriend. you would never expect it from me, but ive had a lot of reasons to break your trust in me. i know how much ive hurt you and i am truly sorry. i should have not done the things i have. you trusted me and i trusted you with everything, i thought we were going to spend the enire lifes together because thats how much i still love you, but we both know we cant now.

i did it. i know it hurt you so bad. i dont even know why i did it, tho. i had everything i wanted with you, i had everything i needed. and still, i didnt appreciate it. you were always the best boyfriend you could be and i was just relying on our love, but again, love is never enough.

a week later after it happened, i came by your house. i am sure you remember it as much as i do. it was my worst day of my life so far. it was raining outside and until i came by your house, my hair was wet and my mascara was smeared all over my face. yes, maybe i cried a little too.

i think you knew why i stopped by. i saw it in your face. yet, you still invited me inside because you didnt want me to catch cold. why do you still care so much?

i told you that i was not going to stay for long and that we can talk outside if you want, because i didnt really felt like going inside.

you asked me what was happening.

"i just cant look at you being hurt. not when i am the reason, i dont want you to be hurt anymore."


i saw the tears in your eyes. you knew. by this time your hair was as wet as mine, so you ran your hands through it so it wasnt falling in your face.

"i think it would be better if we split up."

i said it. i finally said it. i didnt think it would even come out of my mouth. i didnt want to end our relationship. i didnt want to live without you. but i knew that this was the right thing to do. to stop hurting you. because i finally realised i've never deserved a guy like you. i wasnt good enough for you. you just didnt know.

you didnt say anything.

"but you love me."

i just sighed. this situation was so hard for me that i wanted it to be over as soon as possible. i didnt want to see you being hurt again.

"i dont want to hurt you anymore."

"but i forgave you. i forgave you because i love you, i will always forgive you. why are you saying that? i moved on."

i saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. i didnt want to see you crying again. it hurt my insides so much.

"i think i might go now."

i turned around, starting to go away from your house. it hurt so bad, but i deserve to be hurt. because i hurted you so much that i cant even imagine how it must have felt.


i turned around again. oh, how much have i wanted to stay. how much have i wanted to hug you, kiss you and say that i am sorry all over again and again and again. but i wasnt sure that it will be enough. i wasnt sure that i deserve a second chance in a first place. and until i am not sure, i cant stay.

"i have to go."


you had it written all awer your face.
stay stay stay stay stay.
but in your eyes, all i saw was pain. and i couldnt look a that pain ever again. althrough i wanted to stay, i couldnt.

"i am so sorry."

"but i love you. you have to stay."

i started to run. i couldnt stop crying. i couldnt stop running because i knew that if i would have, i would go back and stay with you. hurt you again. so i just ran.

"i will always love you. i will always love you! you cant do this! please!"

i heard you scream at me.
but i just ran.

"i will always love you too." i whispered to myself.
but thats the problem. our love was toxic.

i was never meant to stay.

pain image