Last weekend I finally met this boy who I've talked to on snapchat for over a year or so. I was incredibly nervous the whole train ride and I don't think I've ever experienced a headache that long and painfull before.

I've never felt so alive as when we drove in his car on the highway, "Can you feel it" by T-Mass on full volume, both high on molly. We talked about everything and I was so happy because for a moment, when I held his hand, I didn't feel so alone in this world anymore. Even though we both could have died any second and what we did is extremely stupid, It's honestly the best feeling I've ever had. I caught myself thinking he was my soulmate.

Then reality hits you and you realize that the feeling you had was chemically produced. We are very similar, but that's the problem. Both of us take drugs because life is boring, but I need someone who makes me feel like life is fun without the drugs.

I wanna help him because he's way more deep into it than I am, but I learned a long time ago that you can't fix another person, and they can't fix you. The only person who can truly put yourself together is you. And it hurts, it hurts to know that you can't make everything right for the people you love and it hurts to know that when it all comes down you are on your own and totally alone in this messed up world. But that's the truth, and the truth hurts like a motherfucker. And you can disagree with me and believe otherwise, that's OK. But burying you emotions in candy floss never lasted forever.

I've realized now that I don't think he was my soulmate after all, or maybe he was. I feel like if you meet your soulmate you just know, but at the same time I also feel like it's something you could realize later on? Maybe some soulmates aren't ment to be together, but just meet and know that they are out there.

Maybe I don't have a soulmate..

I'm thinking too much again.