I want to use this post to talk about the month I spent seperated from him.
In advance you didn't know.
I slept with him.
He took my virginity and I don't regret anything.
I'm really relieved that it was him because he is not some sort of a fuckboy who would just want to fuck me and throw me than away.
He waited until I wanted to and never spoke of something like this until I did.
I talked to him and told him that I'm afraid it will hurt.
That I'm afraid he will leave me after we did it.
He told me that I should take my time and that he will wait as long as I want him to and if I don't want to it's okay anyways.
I loved him for that.
I really did.
So after we were in a relationship for 4 Months I decided to do it.
He came to me that night and spent the whole night with me.
I loved the fact that I could sleep beside him.
It was such a warm feeling.
I miss this feeling.
So to come back to the main part.
In the time row of our sepeartion I didn't sleep with anyone.
I could have done but I just didn't want to.
I couldn't.
The thought of sleeping with another person than him really scared me.
It really was strange to me to sleep with another person than him.
So I didn't.
I just feel safe in his arms and can't think of being in someone else's arms.
When I get the thought about being seperated to him and never getting back with him I start to think about how I should find someone whom I will be so comfortable with.
It's just.
He is a part of my life.
A really important part which I will not loose.
I think I got attached.
Attached to him.
Attached to the feeling of being with him.
Attached to just the thought of him.
Normally I'm not a person to get attached to people.
To depend on someone else.
I always was so independet.
Didn't want to rely on someone.
I did everything by myself.
Before I got together with my boyfriend I had always a lot of guys.
I texted a bit with them then we met up for one time and after the first date I always blocked them.
Also when I liked the person.
It was just that I didn't want to meet them again.
I didn't like the fact that I had to be with just one person.
After I met him everything about me changed.
I don't know if you could say that I changed to the worse but I definitly didn't change to the better.
I changed a lot.
I started to get out more often.
Met up with friends.
Drank a lot of alcohol.
And started going partying eventhough my parents didn't want me to.
I Always did what I wanted to and didn't listen to anything my parents told me.
But it got worse.
I started to leave the house whenever I wanted to without asking for permission.
I got into a fight with my parents and the relationship with my father got more worse from time to time.
Just because I wanted to belong to the others.
To go out whenver I want to just like the others.
So that I could spend as much time with my boyfriend as they did.
As we broke up everything went back to normal.
I went to work and when I was done I went home.
Everyday was the same.
I started to never leave the house up until carnival where a friend of mine asked me to go out with him and I ended up saying yes.
That was the point where my life started to get back to how it was when I was with my boyfriend.
Of course because we got back together.