Everything went back to it's normal routine.
Somehow it felt like it is just as before.
But somehow not.
I really hated it that he spent his time more with his friends than with me.
This was also something I didn't like before we broke up.
Funnily he knew that.
He knew that I hated it that we didn't spent much time together.
Eventhough he knew this.
He didn't do something to make things better.
I know that you could somehow say that it is also my fault.
You have to know that I work 5 Times a week for 8 hours.
He tries to see me with picking me up from work and driving me home.
But he could spend his weekends with me but he likes going partying better.
Anyway I just have to keep up with this shit until... I don't know when but I have to keep up with it.
Maybe we will get married and I will then get the chance to spend some quality time with him instead of just seeing him for 20 minutes when he drives me home.
I don't know.
There is one question I ask myself everyday.
"Do you think we will end up happy?"
I'm dying to ask him this question but I'm afraid.
Afraid of his answer.
Something in me thinks that his answer won't fit my expectations.
Maybe he will say that he doesn't know if we will end up happy.
Or that he knows that we won't end up happy.
Strange how much I think about this things.
I don't think that he thinks about this stuff as much as I do.
But it's okay... I guess.
On Friday I went to a wedding with my mom.
The wedding was near the place were I work so it was kind of easy to get their after work.
I really hoped that he would say that he is going to drive me there.
But he didn't say anything.
Instead he picked up some girls up and drove with them in some city.
When I was at this wedding he came to see me briefly.
I liked the fact that he came just because of me.
To see me for a short moment.
But I didn't like that he didn't came alone.
The day after he drove his cousin home whom lives near me.
I called him to ask him where he is and he told me that he is driving his cousin home.
I got a bit upset that he didn't ask if I would come out.
So instead I did.
He came over for 5 Minutes but it was somehow awkward.
It was as if I forced him to come see me.
I didn't like the fact so I just told him that he should go.
That day I went with a friend of mine into a bar and we spent some time.
It was really cool because he distracted me from everything else.
On monday after this weekend he picked me up from work.
But again he didn't came alone.
I really get upset everytime when he does this.
I just want to spent time with him alone but maybe he doesn't want the same.
I kind of get the feeling that he does this on purpose.
Before we broke up he got very clingy and wanted to spend a lot of time with me alone but I didn't want to.
I liked the time we spent with our friends more.
Maybe he is doing this now to pay me back.
Maybe not.
I'm really confused.
I don't know if everything will ever get back to normal.
I really hope that it will.
But maybe not.
We will see.