Most of my article is written to express myself and or to get to know myself better and or to keep my moment that I want to keep in a article form. Still I hope I can help people with it.

Ah, depression let's talk about that. sadly I have been a person with mental illness for so long It's kinda impossible to leave it out when I think about who I am. and because I am depressed right now, I wanna talk about it. Maybe it will make me feel better.

Depression: What i deal with

aesthetic book cry boy

For me, depression is what l've had for a long time. It is always in back of my head even if i am having a good time. For most of the time when it behaves I'm a little down but it is not that severe. The problem occurs when it does not behave. All of the sudden I start to feel really depressed to the point where it is painful. Also when it starts I can feel that it is spreading through my veins like paint getting permeated with water. The first stage is where I notice that I will gonna get really depressed and starts freaking out and tries to stop it. At this stage I try everything I can do to distract myself from depressing thoughts. youtube, Netflix, meditation, yoga just anything. When these method works. that is my lucky day, but when it doesn't I panic and I cannot do anything. I get depressed and I wanna rip my heart off and cut my brains open. Sometimes i just wanna disappear cus i know wherever i go i will be depressed anyways. On my next post i will handle some of thoughts that keep reoccurs when I feel depressed.

Also, kudos to me for being here, and being alive. Well done.