I’ve always been the girl that everyone looked up to, the one you can come and easily talk to about anything and everything and she would be happily listening. I would give you what you need, I would give you advices to solve your own problems even if I didn’t succeed at solving mine, I would tell you everything will be okay even if now is all dark and unpredictable.
Then… there was this moment that I finally saw myself getting lost in the middle. I didn’t know what I was doing and what to do. I didn’t know how to reassure myself like I did with them. I was scared… I felt myself drifting away, I stopped focusing on anything, I stopped listening. My mind was in another place while my body was still here.
I started to lock myself up in my room, stopped talking to anyone… I felt alone, really alone… and no one saw this… no one knew that I was not there… I was scared, scared because not only did I know that I wasn’t myself anymore but because I felt like I was nothing… I wasn’t something to anybody.
That was when it hit me… I didn’t need to be anyone’s something… I just needed to be something for myself… when no one was around, I had to be there for me. I needed to get up and start moving… start pushing… though it hurt like hell… it hurt to give everything to yourself all at once and never rest or breathe.
But when I came back, when I finally knew where to be and what to be, it all made sense eventually. It was hard, it was hard for me to be alone when there was a time in my life I was busy with everyone all day that I didn’t get some sleep. I promised myself then that I will take care of myself… I would treat her right, I’ll cherish her because at the end of the day not everyone will remember what you did for them, but yourself… you’ll know what you did for her.