let me think
i can do that for myself, now that you're gone.

i can laugh now when i think of you
instead of crying and wiping away mucus from my nose,
instead of you laughing as i wipe away the tears running down my cheeks.

these cheeks that you held and pinched in the cold winter
and kissed in the harsh summer.

i hold my own cheeks now.

i cant keep on going on about the good memories,
the nights we lay in bed reading to each other,
or napping.

it was platonic.
sweet.

and then winter came again and it changed,
you became colder than the wind that nipped at my lips.
my lips that you didn't want to kiss anymore.

i cried more then,
but because you told me hurtful words
and because you did hateful things.

you were such a hateful thing.

and for the first time in the long time we'd been together,
only saying i love you,
i called you up and choked out the words,
"i hate you."

we fell apart,
but now
one year later
i can finally say im okay.

i walk beside you in the hall,
you walk beside me but we dont even talk to each other.

we can hardly look at one another before turning away quickly,
out of hatred or disgust or something.
not love.

i just wanted to say,
im sorry i wasnt the first girl you picked,
or even the prettiest.

and im sorry i never wanted to meet your parents,
even though it was my first relationship.

but you, my loved,
id die everyday to keep you alive and happy
and so im sorry that i broke my promise to love you forever,
for i have began to love another so much more worthy of it.

myself.