We ended up seeing each other again at carnival.
I just wanted to have a got time and get some drinks.
Carnival was on three days.
Saturday, Sunday and Monday.
We saw each other for the first time again on Sunday but didn’t talk to each other.
I noticed how he glanced over to me every single time he had the chance to.
I ignored him and just had a good time with my friends.
As we went home we all got in the same bus and he sat across from me.
Again he stared at me but I made myself not noticing.
He came late this day.
We all went on Sunday to carnival at 1:00 pm but he showed up at 4:00 pm.
The time before his arrival I kissed a guy.
I knew this guy but we never talked to each other.
We never looked at each other.
That day we both were drunk and ended up kissing.
He really is a good kisser I have to say and he said the same thing about me.
I liked him he didn’t just want to kiss me.
He also wanted to hang out with me.
Even though he was drunk.
The next day we went to carnival in another city.
We also went their altogether.
So, my ex-boyfriend was with us.
As we were on the train he again stared at me.
I tried to talk to another guy so that I wouldn’t think about him staring at me.
As we arrived we tried to find a way to sneak ourselves into the city without having to pay for the entrance.
It was really funny and at the end we made it.
2 hours later we were all very drunk and had a good time when some girl pulled me to the side.
“What do you want?” I said.
“He really misses you. He really does. When he saw you yesterday he couldn’t help but cry over you. It was to much for him to see you being happy without him and didn’t want to talk to him.” She said to me.
I told her that I really don’t know what to do.
He broke up with me.
It was his decision.
He can’t just regret everything and think that I would take him back without asking why.
“Can’t you just talk to him? Just try to understand him. He loves you and talks about you every day. He really is heartbroken.”
“I will talk to him later.” I said and left.
I went to a friend and grabbed the alcohol.
Some time later, I left alone to take a little walk.
As I came back my friend told me that he saw me leaving and left to search for me.
I looked around and saw him.
I took a glance on my phone and saw that he tried to call but couldn’t reach me.
“Where have you been? I searched for you?” he said.
“I-I just took a walk because I wanted to.” I said.
My friend dragged me to the side and said that we should go and search for the others.
We did and I told him that I would be right back.
He nodded but followed us.
Some steps later he pushed me to the side and said that he wants to have a talk with me.
My friend told him that he shouldn’t do this because we all just want to have fun today be he insisted to talk to me.
So we did but it wasn’t a long talk because the music was to loud so we decided that we would talk later on.
Half an hour later I heard some screams from the side.
As I looked over I saw my ex-boyfriend and this guy whom I kissed yesterday yelling at each other.
I knew why they did this so I got between them and told them that they should stop this shit.
My ex-boyfriend really was angry and left.
I went after him to talk to him and after a lot of times asking that we should talk this over he complied.
We sat on a bench and he asked me why the heck I did this.
Why I kissed him.
“You broke up with me! You serious? I can do what I want. I don’t have to get permission from you.” I said.
“Even though we broke up. Are you serious. I thought we could get back together. But you just go and kiss other guys.” As he said this I really got angry.
“Are you joking? You’re not telling me that you didn’t kiss other girls after we broke up. That’s ridiculous”
“That’s not the same” He said.
“Where’s the difference?” I asked.
I can’t understand him.
He broke up with me but gets angry when I kiss another boy.
I ended up sitting on his legs and we talked everything over.
We told each other that we miss each other and that we still love each other.
I couldn’t help but cry again and we ended up kissing.
This kiss was full of sadness, pain and relief.
I hugged him very tight but we got interrupted by the guy whom I kissed the day before.
He wanted to apologize to my ex-boyfriend and hoped that he would accept his apology.
In the end he accepted it but still was mad.
I could understand his anger but he doesn’t have the right to be angry because of that.
When everything got a bit calmer we talked again and he said that he would call me to talk everything over the next day.
I really felt good in his arms.
It was like nothing happened when we hugged.
As if we never broke up.
Everything felt warm around him.
The next day I wasn’t so sure about him calling me.
I thought about “What if he just overreacted because he was drunk? What if he isn’t going to call me?”
I waited for his call the whole day and couldn’t concentrate on work.
He didn’t even text me so I regret everything I did the day before.
I thought why do I have to fall for him every time.
Why can’t I just deny his feelings and live my life happily as I did before.
Hours passed and when I didn’t think about him texting me I got a text where he told me that he would call after he got home.
I felt relived.
I went to the bus after work to go home.
As I got home he called.
We talked every thing over and decided to try it again.
“I don’t know where we are going to end up this time. But I want to try it if you also want to…” He said.
And what did my dumb ass say?
“Yes, we should try it again”
Jokes on me.
I don’t know why I always do what he says.
Maybe you can call it love.
But I’m more than just confused.
Let’s see.