We’re now together for half a year.
I really have to say that it felt for me more than just half a year.
I lost a lot of nerves in this time span and I cried a lot.
I think I’ve never cried as much as I cried over him.
He really means something to me but I just don’t know what.
As time passes he begins to cling a lot more.
I think he is scared.
Scared that I will leave him.
And if I’m honest.
I think about leaving him.
Again.
I plan on telling him.
Telling him that we maybe should take a break.
Take a break from everything that happened.
Take a break to get some fresh air.
Simply taking a break to make some time for other people.
So, I did.
I told him that.
That I want to break up with him.
I could see the sadness in his eyes.
I could see the disappointment in his eyes.
He tried to convince me that everything will work out well.
That in the end we will be happy till our death I just have to keep waiting.
“I’m waiting for over half a year now. How long do I have to wait” I asked.
My eyes filled up with tears.
Funny how I always have to cry because of him.
I guess I’m just sensitive.
He didn’t know what he should answer.
He also doesn’t know how long we still have to wait.
So I ended up leaving.
Leaving him, leaving all our memories, just leaving everything we had.
I guess I loved him in the worst way you could love a person.
From that moment on I realized that I really loved him.
I thought, I wouldn’t cry if I wouldn’t love this boy.
But maybe we’re just not meant to be.
Maybe this shouldn’t be our faith.
Maybe we had a future, but not together.
I went home.
Drunk.
As I got home I started to tear up in tears.
He called.
He also send text messages.
Asking if this really was our end.
If I really am happy with this decision.
I couldn’t answer his text messages.
So he called again.
I ended up accepting this call and we met up the next day.
He cried again in front of me.
My heart really aches when I see him cry because of me.
He really loves me.
We had a long talk and ended up getting back together.
You surely can say that I am naïve.
I really am.
I always see the good in people.
But I would get my payback 1 week later.
He called me asking if we could meet up.
I said yes and one hour later we met up at the mall
I couldn’t believe what he said.
He broke up with me.
For me it was like he wanted to get revenge on me.
For trying to break up with him 2 times.
We talked for 3 hours but he was sure about his decision.
As he went with me to the bus to drop me off at the bus station I said that I will call him later so that we could talk again.
He said that he wanted to break up but at the end when I tried to convince him that he should not he wasn’t sure about breaking up anymore and kissed me goodbye.
As I got home his best friend called me and asked if I’m okay.
I asked why I should be and she than said that he called her and told her that he broke up with me.
“He broke up?” I said.
“Interesting cause I thought we wanted to talk everything through but well his decision”
He started to take out all pictures he set with me in the social networks and I really was hurt.
The fact that I always caved in because I loved him when I wanted to break up really hit me hard.
He just finished everything we had in one moment and that was more than ruff for me.
I got angry and blocked him everywhere I could block him.
Also his best friend and everyone who could get in touch with me for him.
2 days later he wrote me text messages, which I couldn’t block, saying how disappointed he is in me for reacting that way.
“I thought we could remain friends and would get back together someday” he said.
I couldn’t hold back my laughter.
This was ridiculous.
You can’t stay friends with your ex-boyfriend that’s impossible.
Anyways I replied to his text messages saying how disappointed I am in him for being that way.
How could he be so heartless and just erase me from his live.
He said that he would call me so that we could talk everything through.
I said okay but considered now.
I shouldn’t have said yes.
I always did what he wanted.
It is like he has all the power over me that you possibly could have.
Strange.
We talked for an hour and I again started to cry.
He told me that he still loves me and never will stop loving me.
Then he hung up.
I blocked his calls later on so that he wouldn’t try to call me again.
So that I wouldn’t want to get his calls.
I didn’t hear from him for weeks.
I guess for 5 Weeks or something like that.