I started to accept everything.
I accepted the fact that my Boyfriend may be gay.
I accepted that he used to live with an old man who gave him money for compensation.
And I accepted the fact that he may had betrayed me in the Time they lived together.
Strange what?
Everything seems so strange when you think about it.
For me it was like I was shooting a movie.
A really bad movie.
The more I think about it now, the more I realize that I should just have walked away that Time and never turned back.
But I was foolish.
I really was a fool.
The strangest thing is: Did I love him? Do I still love him? Did I ever love him?
These were or better said are questions I can’t answer.
Something in me felt the love but on the other side it may could be that it is just the feeling I love.
I really thought about it a long time.
When I was drunk I couldn’t bear to see him.
He got very clingy when we took a drink together.
He always was clingy, also when he was sober but it got worse when he drank alcohol.
He constantly searched for me and I couldn’t do anything without him asking for me.
I liked how close we got but I really am not a person who can show their feelings very well so I was kind of uncomfortable with that.
Did you notice something?
Normally you get the right feeling when you’re drunk but I also am confused when I’m drunk.
This really started to get on my nerves.
On one side I really wanted this relationship.
But on the other I didn’t.
I didn’t know what to do so I just accepted everything and stayed with him.
Weeks later I had a talk with his best friend she explained to me why her mother said yes to let him live with them but wants him now to move out.
They got in a little fight.
I mean if you think about it.
He is a boy and she a girl.
Even though they are best friends and he was in a relationship with me a mother wouldn’t let this slide.
She said her mother wanted him to live with him because of the fact that they may have something on going.
My boyfriend and this man.
“I don’t want him to do something he will later regret or something he don’t want to do. It is better when he lives with us” she said.
“But if we consider the fact that he went back to him to get money… I can’t stand this behavior. I gave him everything. He lives here for free and eats. I also gave him money but he went back anyways. If it is that what he wants he should just go and live their again.”
Done as said.
2 days later I found himself packing his stuff with this man waiting outside of the door to get him.
He got in his car and they drove away.
Unbelievable how much he relays on him.
How much this man cares about my boyfriend.
It seems like they will never part their ways.
I really hated this man.
I really was jealous.
How unfair could this world be?
He got to live with him and I always had these thoughts when he was there.
Is he loyal or does he give a fuck?
The funny thing is.
He asked if I was okay with him living again with his acquaintance.
As if I would say no.
Where should he live if I said no?
Seriously does he really expect me to tell the truth.
I had no other choice but to say yes.
I really don’t know where I got myself with this guy but to let him go was more difficult then I thought.